A Slow Burn
by Blu Rose
Summary: Series Summary: Not everyone reacts well to change. Just because Rin was able to adapt to no longer being human didn't mean his own son would do the same. In fact, he took the new way of life he was forced to follow quite poor. (Warning: Dark, depressing family stuff inside!)
1. A Sudden Change

**So** _ **this**_ **has been rattling around in my head since Christmas last year and I thought it was a waste to let the several chapters I wrote gather digital dust on my computer. A fair warning to readers, this story's got…relatively tame attempts at self-harm in this chapter, so if that makes you uncomfortable, you might not want to read. But if you can endure stories with OCs and Rin suffering through parenthood, you might like this.**

 _Disclaimer: Blu Rose doesn't own the Blue Exorcist series. Only her OCs and this fic._

 _Series Summary: Not everyone reacts well to change. Just because Rin was able to adapt to no longer being human didn't mean his own son would do the same. In fact, it was a change for the worst. (_ _ **Warning:**_ _You will need to read_ _ **Die Happy**_ _and_ _ **Demon Seed**_ _to get an explanation for some of the things in this story!)_

 _Chapter Summary: To everyone else, becoming a demon and being forced to train as an exorcist was a bump in the road. For Kazuki Okumura, it may as well have been the end of his life._

 **X-X-X**

" _Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change."—a line from Mary Shelley's Frankenstein_

 **X-X-X**

 **Part 1: A sudden change**

He had only been gone for a day. A _day_. That was all it took for someone to snatch his wife and child while he wasn't looking. Rin had been so terrified for their lives that he felt he wouldn't be able to feel even a second of relief until they were out of harm's way. But when he did find them, it wasn't the happy reunion he had been hoping for.

Because it had been the sight of blue flames that attracted the attention of searching exorcists.

If there had been a nicer place in the area before, it had been replaced by a partially burnt down building standing in the middle of a blaze of blue flames that had been going for who-knows-how long. Rin didn't even hear the words of the other exorcists on his team. He just ran into the flames in search of his family, telling himself that they were alright.

What he found in the center of the flames made his blood run cold: his 15-year old son naked, covered in burns and curled up with the body of his wife, whose clothes were stained with blood in various places. It could be seen that the boy was alive, not by the subtle rise and fall of his chest, but by the horn-like blue flames on his head and the way his flame-tipped tail would twitch every couple of seconds. But his mother, though miraculously unburned, was very much dead. It didn't stop Rin from calling out for help and even trying in vain to save her on his own, but even if she was still alive, their son's hold on her was tight and prevented Rin from turning her over. The boy didn't even seem aware of what was going on around him—as if the only people in the world were him and his dead mother.

All Rin felt he could do was cry. He kneeled over his family and awkwardly hugged them as tightly as he could while sobbing and repeatedly apologizing: "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you… I'm sorry this had to happen to you… I'm just…so sorry…!"

 **X-X-X**

Since his wife's death and his son's containment by the Knights of the True Cross for "his safety" two weeks earlier, the only other living soul in their home aside from Rin had been Kuro. But Rin tried to stay out of the house as often as he could, otherwise he'd be overwhelmed by memories of happier times. For instance, the half-demon would make it practically mandatory to go and visit his son each and every day, and he would often try—and fail—to sneak in little gift for him. Today, Rin tried to bring him a homemade lunch, since he would often be told that his son never ate the food he was given, but was unable to get it past the guards standing outside his door.

"Seriously! It's not like there's _explosives_ in here! Just lemme give this to him for once!" Rin complained to the one exorcist standing guard in front of his son's room. He didn't bother blocking off the metallic door because Rin knew by now that it had been blessed and decorated in all sorts of holy phrases to prevent Kazuki from possibly breaking it down.

"Sorry. You know the rules. He's only allowed to eat what the doctors say he can have." Although he'd heard that statement many times before, Rin couldn't help grumbling in disdain under his breath. He practically shoved the boxed lunch into the exorcist's chest, giving him a lukewarm threat of what would happen should he eat it even a single grain of rice before entering the room.

Even with its relatively clean and ordinary-looking state, it probably wouldn't be far to call the room a cell. There were no windows, unless one counted the small barred opening in the blessed door or the bottom slot where trays of food would be pushed. It was very small, with the bed and the toilet to the back of the room taking up half of the space. Lying down on the bed and staring up blankly at the ceiling was 15-year Kazuki Okumura, a position that he was almost always in whenever Rin came to see him.

Rin approached his son's bed and sat down on it, staring at the door in silence. Beginning a conversation was always difficult because Kazuki never spoke and Rin could never think of a way to break the ice in such a dismal situation. Finally, he decided upon, "How's your tail?" No response. "You haven't been hurting yourself anymore, right?" On the first day of his imprisonment, Kazuki attempted to remove his new tail. He didn't have anything to cut it off, so he tried to break it off, and it naturally hurt _a lot_. It also led to the doctors in charge of his "treatment" deciding he would be better off strapped down to his bed for the first week. "Come on. Let me see," his father said, holding out a hand expectedly. Quietly, Kazuki rolled over, showing his back to his father. His tail snaked out from inside of his sweatpants. The tail was slightly bent at the base near his back, making it crooked, but the way it moved fluidly suggested it was no longer in bad condition. "Mm-hm. It looks good. I'm sure it won't be long until they finally see that you aren't a threat and they let you go."

"…need to…" Rin's ears perked at the sound of Kazuki's voice. "They need…to kill me…" He mumbled meekly.

"Don't worry! As far as they can tell, you haven't done bad—and I know you haven't. You're a good boy and a few flames gives them no reason to kill you," Rin said with a smile.

"They _need_ to kill me… I don't want to live like this…! I don't want to be like _you_ …!" Kazuki sounded like he was starting to cry now.

"It's not all bad! You can still live a happy life! You just…have to learn to take a few precautions!"

The dark-haired boy rolled over and narrowed his eyes. "Those guards out there said they would probably force me to work for them! If they're not gonna kill me, the least they could do is leave me alone!" The father and son stared at each other in silence. "…You're not telling me that _won't_ happen. Does that mean—?"

"I don't want that sort of life for you. If I had a choice, you wouldn't become an exorcist, especially against your will."

Kazuki's expression became one of dread. "S-so…I _am_ gonna be forced into doing your stupid job…! I hate demons, but I'm not dumb enough to go picking fights with them!"

"I-it's okay! It's not like they're going to just toss you into a fight with Satan himself as soon as possible! They'll put you through basic training first, and they'll test you—"

"Shut up! Just SHUT UP!" Kazuki shouted, baring his teeth. "Screw training and tests and all that bullshit! I don't wanna become an exorcist at all!" He grit his teeth as his tail bristled. "This…is all _your_ fault!" Rin just sighed. He had been expecting that statement sooner. "Because of you, I've always seen demons and been tormented by them! And then mom and I got taken by those bastards because I'm _your_ kid! And now I have to go through all this shit because they expect me to be a goddamn _monster hunter_?! Just because you and Uncle Yukio like this kind of life doesn't mean _I_ do!"

"I don't _like_ this anymore than you do." Rin reached a hand out and stroked his son's head. He expected his hand to be batted away, but Kazuki was too busy crying and rubbing his eyes to get upset over it. "I'm sorry. Your life really _is_ messed up because I'm your dad, isn't it? No wonder you hate me." He wanted to hear his son say that he didn't _really_ hate him, but he didn't say a word. Rin sniffed and continued stroking Kazuki's head. "Even if they force you to train as an exorcist, they'll probably see that you aren't cut out for it at all. Then the worst thing they could do would be sealing your powers."

"Or kill me. Or lock me away for the rest of my life. I honestly don't care which at this point…"

The father ignored his son's words. "We'll…have to cope. You more so, of course. But I swear, regardless of they decide, I'll help you to get through it." Kazuki didn't bother to answer and continued to cry. Rin stopped stroking his head and wrapped one arm around him in an awkward hug. "It'll get better. I promise things will get better, but only if you try."

 **X-X-X**

Several days later, Kazuki had been allowed to come home at last. It should've been a happier occasion, but the mood had been soured by the news that had been given to the father and son by way of Mephisto: "It has been decided that Kazuki Okumura-kun will begin attending the exorcism cram school starting next year spring semester. Also, it is in his best interest to reside on the True Cross Academy campus. After all, it's been proven that it isn't exactly… _safe_ to allow him live in an ordinary setting with such little protection. Please see to it that you make the necessary arrangements for this change of residence."

It annoyed Rin to no end. It was bad enough that they were making Kazuki take part in this, but making him move onto the True Cross Academy campus was like a slap in the face. They may as well have said _'you were unable to protect your son before, so we obviously can't trust you take care of him as he is now.'_ At least Rin and Yukio had the _choice_ to become exorcists, even if their alternatives weren't exactly attractive. They didn't even wave the threat of execution over his head the way they did Rin, like they were determined to add him to the ranks of the Knights of the True Cross. Or would they do that if they decided he really _wasn't_ worth their time? No… They couldn't be so awful…

"This entire situation pisses me off…!" Rin muttered as he slammed down the cutting knife a _bit_ too hard. It not only sliced through the cabbage, but it also left an ugly mark on the cutting board he had been using. The half-demon sucked his teeth as he observed the damage. "Damn it!" He muttered to himself before going back to preparing dinner.

Occasionally, Rin peeked out of the kitchen and into the living room. He would find himself staring at Kazuki, who was staring…at nothing. The TV was on, but he seemed to be staring up at the ceiling with a spaced out expression. Rin had expected the news of his enrollment would make the boy explode and curse every single member of the True Cross responsible for the decision, maybe blame his father once again for his troubles, but he just quietly mumbled, "Once again, my opinion means nothing to you people," and he hadn't spoken since then. He obviously didn't like this situation, but had unhappily resigned to it.

At the very least, Kazuki had the rest of the fall semester at middle school to stay at home with his father. Rin had hoped that during that time, he could help Kazuki feel better and perhaps even look forward to going to school in the spring. But for right now, he would focus on making him feel comfortable and happy, as if things hadn't changed.

Not that it would be easy to ignore the empty chair at the dinner table.

"Dinner's ready," Rin announced. Kuro and Ouji, who had been resting on either side of Kazuki on the couch, immediately jumped off of it and sat down in front of the dark-haired man obediently. "Alright, guys! Enjoy!" He said as he put down a plate of food for each of them. He looked at Kazuki, who continued staring up at the ceiling. "Kazuki. Dinner." Still no response. "Kazuki." After a few seconds, Rin sighed, walked over to the couch, and placed a hand on Kazuki's head. "I said it's time for dinner. Come and eat."

"…I don't wanna eat," Kazuki mumbled after a few seconds.

"You haven't eaten all day."

"I'm not hungry."

"I don't believe that."

"Just leave me alone."

Without a word, Rin lifted up Kazuki from the couch and slung him over his shoulder. He carried the teen over to the table and sat him down at one end of the table before sitting down at the opposite end. "Eat. You're going back to school soon, so you should get your strength up."

"School doesn't matter. Nothing important to me matters."

"And what exactly is important to you?" Rin asked between spoonfuls of rice.

"You don't care. None of you care. Only Mom did."

"You know that's not true. You can tell me anything, Kazuki, and I'd understand."

"If you understood, you'd kill me or something."

"As if your mother would want that. I know the situation's more than a little startling, but just…try to think positive, okay?"

Kazuki's sad expression became an agitated one, but he said nothing to match his mood. He simply poked and prodded at his food before putting his plate on the floor for Kuro and Ouji and eat. Of course, neither the cat sidhe nor the inugami felt comfortable enough to eat it because of the aura of anger that radiated from Rin. "Good night," was all Kazuki said as he got up from his seat and walked up the stairs.

Rin spent the rest of dinner angrily shoveling food into his mouth as he continued to radiate his aura of anger. Once his plate was cleared, he started to feel miserable. The dark-haired man wound up picking up his son's plate from the floor and stared at it for a few seconds before going upstairs. He stood outside the door of Kazuki's bedroom and knocked on it. "Kazuki. Open up. You have to eat something. If you finish your dinner, we can have ice cream for dessert. Please…" Rin rested his forehead against the door in thought for a few seconds before narrowing his eyes. "You don't wanna open up? I'll open the door _myself_!" He shouted before raising a leg and kicking the door open. "Alright! You're gonna eat if I have to shove it down your—!" He stopped in mid-sentence and dropped the plate in shock.

There was Kazuki hanging from the ceiling lamp with a makeshift noose of cloth around his throat. He stood on a chair, and the moment he made eye contact with his father, he kicked the chair out from underneath his feet and proceeded to gag and flail. Before Rin could even run forward to grab him and get him down, the ceiling lamp broke and Kazuki wound up falling onto the chair. It sounded like something broke with a sickening crack and Kazuki cried out in pain. In an instant, Rin was at his son's side. He tried to help Kazuki stand up, but the boy cried out in pain and faltered when he tried. Without even being asked a question, Kazuki replied, "No one will kill me like I want them to, so I've decided to take things into my own hands. But the damn lamp couldn't hold my weight at all…" He started to laugh bitterly about it before he just started to sob.

 **X-X-X**

The following morning, Kazuki's leg—which had broken during his failed suicide—had been fully healed. This was probably the first time Rin was grateful Kazuki wasn't a human anymore—that abnormal healing saved his son from missing another day at school. However, his physical condition wasn't what worried Rin. He hardly felt comfortable about sending Kazuki back to school after he attempted suicide just the other night. He rationalized that since he was already missing so many days at school, one more wouldn't hurt. At least it gave Rin a chance to talk to his son, to yell at him for trying something like that so soon after his mother's death, then to apologize and hug him while saying that he didn't want to lose his beloved son.

Rin's heartfelt statement didn't get him a response from Kazuki. In fact, Kazuki hadn't spoken or left his bed that morning—and that was before his father allowed him to stay home. He remained under the sheets, his eyes red and cheeks stained by dried tears, just staring up at the ceiling with a vacant expression. It was as if his failed attempt at suicide had broken something in him and made him give up on…everything, Rin assumed. Each time his father checked in on him that day, he'd find Kazuki still in bed.

It wasn't until nightfall that Rin finally had enough. He marched into his son's room, stood over his bed, and looked down at his pitiful child. "You can't stay in bed forever. This isn't going to go away."

"There's no escape," Kazuki spoke for the first time that day, although his voice sounded tired. He continued staring up at the ceiling. "No one wants to kill me. I can't kill myself. But if I'm lucky, a demon may kill me someday…"

"Don't say things like that."

"Or maybe I'll spontaneously combust or something… Burn away into flames…become ashes. That could happen…"

"I _said_ don't say things like that!" Rin snapped. "You can't whine every time something you don't like happens to you! Nothing's going to change for the better if you don't actually _try_! And no, I don't mean…killing yourself…" His voice had died down from angry bellowing to a small whisper. He kneeled next to his son's bed and smiled weakly. "It's not the end of being a normal person. I'm proof, aren't I?" Wasn't he?

"I don't want to be like you."

"I know. I don't want you to be an exorcist. You have to do things neither of us really wants you to do. But we have to put up with it. Even…normal people have to put up with it when things don't go their way. No use crying over spilled ramen and all." He waited for Kazuki to react to his incorrect saying. He expected to be called out, or even get a bit of a laugh or a smile from his son to assure him that the boy could still feel happiness. But he just stared blankly at him, his mouth remaining as a neutral line. "It's more of a waste than milk, you know. Especially pork ramen. But it's just food. It can be replaced."

"…My _humanity_ can't be replaced. _Mom_ can't be replaced." There was a bit of an edge to Kazuki's voice as he said that.

"I know. You can't replace people." He chose to ignore the comment about humanity. Rin brushed Kazuki's hair out of his face. He blinked, but he was otherwise unfazed. "Do you wanna get out of bed now?"

"My opinion doesn't matter."

Rin sighed from discontent and narrowed his eyes. "I wish you'd stop saying that."

"I have to do things I don't want to do, but I have to put up with it. In short, my opinion doesn't matter. Otherwise I'd still be going to my normal school and staying at home."

"But it will someday. You just have to wait until then."

Kazuki got up and out of bed, muttering "So you admit it," as he moved past his father and left the room. Rin was quickly behind him as he went down the hall, opposite of the way downstairs. "Leave me alone. I'm out of bed and I'm not gonna kill myself. I'll just live with my misery as I put up with everyone's expectations and the fact that what I want is ignored."

"Would you _stop_ putting words in my mouth?! I'm not the enemy here! I'm trying to help you!"

"If you wanted to help me, you should've worn a fucking _condom_!"

That comment was the one that made Rin snap. The half-demon lost control of himself and the old habit of _'discipline through brute force'_ kicked in. He lunged forward, head locking Kazuki from behind and wrestling him to the ground. The boy tried to fight back, but although he had shared the flames and the healing, he didn't have that freakishly inhuman strength in common with his father. Although he raked his fingers across his father's arm and drew blood, it did nothing to stop the older man. But then, the anger started to fade and he realized that he had his son pinned to the floor, the boy screaming out more in anger than pain. The position of his hands and arms shifted soon after and Rin was now hugging the boy tightly. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry, but you just make me so angry at times…" Kazuki had stiffened under his father's touch. "I would never wish that you weren't born. Your mother and I cherished having you and raising you. We love you despite your flaws and deep down, you love _us_ despite _our_ flaws."

Kazuki glared down at the floor for a few seconds before saying, "I'm gonna pee myself if you don't let me go."

"Eh?!" Rin let him go from surprise and Kazuki took that opportunity to dart into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. Rin stared at the door dumbfounded until he shouted, "You could've _said_ you had to go to the bathroom, y'know!" Rin then went downstairs to prepare dinner. After almost an hour, he went back upstairs to get Kazuki, only to find that his bedroom was empty. Thinking that maybe he was washing up after spending all day moping in bed, the man approached the bathroom door and knocked. Almost immediately, he heard the sound of something falling to the floor inside the bathroom, but thought nothing of it. "Kazuki! Dinner's ready, and I am _not_ taking _'no thanks'_ as an answer!" No response. "Kazuki! ...Kazuki?"

"O-okay! Gimme a moment to change and…!" He cut off his sentence as more things fell indoors. "God damn it…!" He cried. He honestly sounded like he was upset.

"Are you okay in there?" Rin didn't want the boy to have a breakdown while he was locked up in a room. Heaven knows what he would do to himself.

"Fine! I'm fine! Just leave me alone!"

"…Okay." But he didn't. Instead, Rin stood out in the hall, listening through the door and being careful as to not make a sound. Kazuki didn't speak while he was in there, but the dark-haired man could hear things being moved about and the sound of flowing water often starting for a few seconds and then cutting off.

Eventually, Kazuki came out of the bathroom looking exhausted. His clothes appeared to have been wet from water and stained from blood. His mind must have been elsewhere, because it took a few seconds before he noticed Rin sitting on the floor next to the door. Their eyes met and they stared at each other, as if waiting for one of them to speak. Kazuki's eyes teared up as he began, "I couldn't do it. I wanted to go as deep as I could, but it just hurt too much. Not that it mattered, because it always healed so quickly." Part of his exposed arm, Rin realized, looked bright pink, as if it had been scrubbed raw. "I thought it was a better option than hanging myself, but it wasn't. It's like the universe doesn't want me to die…"

"…Good. Take that as a hint and stop doing things like that to yourself." Rin should've been angrier. Or sadder. Those would be the typical responses to his son trying to die from blood loss. "Please. For _me_ , at least?" It really felt selfish to think of his own feelings in the matter—how guilty and sad and angry he was, but when Kazuki had pretty much labeled his father as the root of his problems, it fucking _hurt_. And his attempts to die felt like he was trying to escape _Rin_ rather than the responsibilities that had suddenly been expected of him. "If not out of love, than out of pity."

"Tell them about this," Kazuki spoke quickly. "Tell them I'm crazy. That I'm a liability. That I can't be trusted. Say that becoming a demon made me go mad and that I'm incapable of anything useful to them."

"You know you're not." And if he _did_ tell the True Cross Order that, it would end with something far worse than his son being forced to become an exorcist. Rin got up from the floor and held Kazuki close to him. "If we're fortunate, you might prove to be so awful at the job that you couldn't be taught by the _best_ -suited teachers how to be an exorcist."

"And if they _don't_ think that?" Kazuki muffled into his shirt. "If I'm really good at whatever the hell they want from me, what then?"

Rin honestly didn't know how to answer that. He knew his son wasn't cut out to be an exorcist. Having will power was a big part of the job—the will to resist the offers of demons and their corruption that so many humans fell to. Kazuki had always feared and hated demons, and those negative emotions would damn him on the field. It was a frightening thought, losing his child to demons one way or another, but right now, the thought of his boy's emotional weakness provided Rin with a small comfort.

But what if he was wrong? What if he _did_ have a talent for being an exorcist, and yet had no interest? It made Rin wish he could just take his child away in some far off place so they could live life like the normal family he always wished they could be.

"Let's have dinner," he said as he began to lead his son down the hall. He hated how he couldn't reassure his son without repeating things that only made him angry before. All he could do was change the subject and try to make Kazuki happier with something else. "I made curry rice and chicken. And we can have ice cream for desert. We can eat it while watching TV together."

"…What flavor ice cream?" Kazuki's voice sounded flat. As if he was trying to go along with the change of subject despite still feeling upset. He was trying to put up with it, just like his father had told him.

"Coconut."

The dark-haired boy sniffed and rubbed his eyes. "…Thank you…"

 **X-X-X**

Although Rin hated the thought of letting Kazuki go to school again while he was in his current state of mind, he allowed him to do so. He worried over the rest of the school week what Kazuki had done while they were apart. He _said_ he didn't do anything "crazy" or "suicide-y", but Rin was sure he could believe him. After all, he healed from injuries that could've killed him last year so easily, so who knows what sort of things he did to his body in an attempt to find his limits and weaknesses.

But if he ignored his suspicions, then Kazuki was perfectly fine. Sure, he hid his tail even when he was at home because he hated seeing it—the most obvious physical trait that showed he was no longer human. But they still had arguments and fights over the stupidest of things only to make up when promises of food were given. He still showed his soft side to Kuro and Ouji—affectionate petting and stroking after they wore him down with their desire for attention. Rin could fool himself into thinking that things would be okay.

At least he could until Kazuki came home one day looking pale with his school uniform stained with something black and foul-smelling, something familiar to Rin. "I saw goblins on the way home from school. I thought…since it was going to be my job from now…"

"IDIOT!" Rin roared. "You stupid kid! It doesn't matter _how_ quickly you heal! You could still get hurt and sick from things like that! Did they bite you? Did any of the blood get into your wounds? How'd you even _kill_ a goblin?!" The questions just poured out of Rin's mouth like water down a cliff.

Kazuki plopped himself down on the couch and stared at the blank TV. "I didn't. I tried, but I…couldn't use the flames. This," he gestured to his bloody uniform, "is because Ouji tore them all apart and saved me."

Rin narrowed his eyes. "You shouldn't be so reckless. You don't know anything about exorcism, let alone using your powers."

"Shouldn't I learn how?" The question made Rin flinch. He didn't want to teach his son how to fight and hurt. He'd been trying so very hard not to, although his moments of physical discipline may have been just the same. "I mean, it's the only reason why they wanna make me an exorcist, right? To make me fight? It might be best—"

"I'll show you how to control your flames. Starting tomorrow." Kazuki didn't look delighted at the announcement, but he was never delighted about the things he would have to learn. Rin, though he didn't _want_ to, pretty much had to teach him that. He couldn't have Kazuki running around unable to use his flames or burning things at the worst possible time. He needed to learn control as much as he needed to learn that he wasn't invincible. "Go and wash up. And _don't_ dump those clothes with the rest of the dirty laundry—leave it in my room. And we're having yakisoba with gingered chicken. And _don't do something like that again_!"

 **X-X-X**

The following day was Sunday, so Kazuki had no school. Rin, however, still had to work. Still not comfortable with the idea of leaving Kazuki alone—which he hated himself for—the half-demon wound up taking his son along with him under the pretense of the boy finishing his homework and promising to eat out wherever Kazuki wanted. Whether or not he really believed Rin's excuses, Kazuki went along without protest. They both endured the boredom of sitting through Rin's consultations with civilians with demon-related problems—the benefit of an uneventful work day—before they were able to have time alone together.

Kazuki showed no amazement or curiosity over being shown the area of True Cross Academy that served as the cram school, or in the way they got there via a magic port key. He'd been dragged here several times before for the sake of shots and tests and verification that he was still human. All he did was comment on how decrepit the place looked and ask why they couldn't do this at home, where they were _truly_ alone, instead of _this_ place. He wasn't complaining outright, but he obviously didn't enjoy being in this place even under the pretext of instruction.

Once they found the empty training area, they settled in and Rin commenced his instruction. It was, more or less, the same things he told Yukio after his own awakening: how his flames could be controlled by his emotions, how he could decide what they burned and what they didn't, how relying on them too much was a _bad_ thing, how a lack of confidence might lock his flames away, etcetera, etcetera... Then they began to practice with a little candle and the simple task of lighting it without going overboard. Kazuki failed, though, numerous times. He simply _couldn't_ use them.

"I'm obviously defective. Can we tell them I can't use my flames properly?" Kazuki muttered.

"Nothing's wrong with you. _I_ had difficulties getting the hang of this, too," Rin had told him as he patted the teen's head reassuringly. "It just takes practice and patience."

"Could you burn yourself?" Rin's eyes widened at the question. Kazuki's eyes had fallen onto the candle on the floor. "You said that the flames could burn whatever I wanted them to. If I wanted to harm myself, in theory—"

"You wouldn't because you _shouldn't_."

"But in _theory_ —"

"Why are we talking about this?"

"I just wanna know if I could accidentally…"

The father and son stared at each other for a few seconds before Rin admitted, "I've never burned myself. Neither has your uncle. Usually, when we're using them, we're thinking of burning anyone but ourselves. Now why did you _really_ wanna know if you could do it?" Kazuki looked hesitant to say anything. "Whatever it is, I won't judge you."

"Yes you will. ...I've dreamed of going up in blue flames once or twice. Burning alive. I wake up before I ever die, though…" The teen took a breath before he said, "The way I am now, I think it'd be like a phoenix dying and being reborn as it goes up in flames. But it would still hurt… I'm sure you don't understand."

He _didn't_ understand. But he didn't admit that out loud. "I see. I think we've found your block. You're afraid of burning yourself to death."

"No. I'm not afraid of _dying_ from the flames. I'm afraid of _surviving_ burning up in them..." Kazuki admitted with an unsettlingly calm expression.

 **X-X-X**

 **Review for the sake of Blu!**


	2. Comfort Food

**What the heck? There are people actually** _ **following**_ **this story? Now I feel compelled to actually update bi-frequently…**

 _Disclaimer: Thank the lord that Blu Rose doesn't own Blue Exorcist and only owns the characters she made up._

 _Chapter Summary: After things seemed so bright before, Kazuki's mood has soured towards his circumstances once again. Rin attempts to get closer to his son the best way he knows how._

 **X-X-X**

 **Part 2: Comfort food**

Rin had thought that during the time they had left living together in the fall and winter, their relationship would get better. That eventually, the father would win his son over so he could open up, pour his heart out, and admit that he loved his family and hated the situation. It seemed that way at first. Kazuki even endured the months of training to bring out his flames—something he still had yet to do—with little complaint. But after he finished his last year of middle school and spent time at home during the winter, it was as if a switch had flipped in Kazuki and he changed his mind about accepting reality. They had more fights—both verbal and physical. He seemed to only speak to Rin when he was ready to pick a fight or point the finger of blame again. The boy even refused to celebrate Christmas, locking himself in his room and not accepting his

Now it was officially spring, and a sigh couldn't help escaping from Rin's mouth as he stood out in the hallway, staring into his son's old room. Kazuki had been very eager to move onto the academy campus as soon as possible. He'd totally stripped the room clean of anything that suggested he'd lived in there for years, so now all that remained was the bed in the corner of the room and the desk close to it which, upon further staring, had something left on it. Curiosity made him walk over and inspect whatever Kazuki had left behind. A photo that had a chunk of it cut off. The piece on the desk had a smiling Rin and an annoyed, younger Kazuki—a picture from a summer vacation Rin only remembered took place at the beach. The missing piece was probably his mother—ever his favorite parent, even in death. It should've broken his heart a bit more that his son was so eager to get away from his father. But it was more painful to think that he'd gotten used to it.

" _Riiiin~! How long are you going to stand there?"_ The half-demon lifted his head after hearing Kuro's voice. He looked over his shoulder at the Cat Sidhe, who was staring at him expectantly. _"Didn't you say you were going to make dinner?"_

Rin looked back down at the picture on the desk and he felt a twinge of concern for his son bloom in his chest. Was he okay? Was he taking care of himself well? Dumb questions, really, since he hadn't even been gone for the entire day yet… But still, Rin was his father—no matter how much Kazuki hated him and tried to push him away, he couldn't help worrying about his wellbeing. Or maybe Rin just felt weird about not sleeping in the same house as him.

" _Rin? Are you okay?"_ Kuro asked, suddenly concerned with how quiet his friend was being.

"Yeah. I'm fine," Rin spoke normally, but he didn't face the cat demon when he did. His eyes were still glued to the picture, which he had now picked up. He held it like it was something far more fragile and cherished than a ruined photo. "Kuro. How would you feel about going to see Kazuki, huh?" Kuro's only response to Rin's question was a confused look. Not that he noticed with his eyes focused on the picture.

 **X-X-X**

That was how Rin found himself walking across the True Cross campus after sundown, carrying bags of groceries in hand with Kuro riding along on his shoulder. His excuse to the Cat Sidhe had been that he was worried about Kazuki eating nothing but garbage during his time at the academy—that he was the type who'd rather eat snack food or fast food than go through more than a few minutes' worth of effort to make a decent meal, but that was a lie. Rin just wanted to see his son and make sure he was getting along well. Sure, he could always call by phone, but what were the chances that Kazuki would even answer, let alone be truthful of how he was doing? He could only trust his eyes to tell him what Kazuki's condition was. And anyway, he had a right to be concerned about his son, what with all the things that were happening to him.

" _Look, Rin! There it is!"_ Kuro exclaimed excitedly. He pointed a paw to the building in the distance—Kazuki's dormitory, the same one that Rin and Yukio had lived in.

Once they were closer, Rin took in the sight of the old male dormitory. "Well, this place hasn't changed." It looked just the way he remembered it…which wasn't very good to begin with. The exterior's old and crumbling appearance was meant to keep ordinary students away. Rin just hoped the _interior_ had been improved since the days he lived there with Yukio.

Upon approaching the door, Rin realized a problem: how would he get in? If it was Kazuki alone in there, he'd likely just leave him out in the cold. He wasn't even sure if his handler was technically staying with him, or if he'd allow him inside. The man took a chance and knocked on the front door. He waited a few seconds before trying again. Then he began to call Kazuki on his phone. No answer. He didn't even bother to wait or try a second time. Rin decided the only way into the dorm was to _muscle_ his way in.

Or it would've been if a certain black ghost dog didn't poke his head through the solid doors and stare at him. Rin had almost forgotten that Ouji had gone with Kazuki when he moved out. "Ouji! Such a good boy! Do you think you could go and get Kazuki for me so he can let me inside?" Ouji stared at Rin and Kuro for a few seconds, then focused his eyes on the groceries in his hands. "I came to make dinner for the two of you. You like the sound of that?" Ouji remained silent and slipped back into the building. Rin couldn't resist chuckling to himself. "I can trust Ouji to do something when food's involved."

In less than a minute, the dorm's door opened. There stood Kazuki, blank-faced and dressed like he had just gotten out of bed. A pair of black dog ears stuck out of the top of his head, but disappeared the instant a cloud of black smoke wafted out of his open mouth and took the form of Ouji. Kazuki's expression quickly changed to an annoyed one as he glared at his father. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I came to see _you_ , of course. See how you're getting along," Rin answered honestly. Kazuki looked down at the bags he was holding, which prompted Rin to add, "And also cook for you. Because knowing you, you'll use this opportunity to eat nothing but junk food."

"Opportunity." The dark-haired boy spoke the word flatly before snorting. He moved to shut the door again, but Rin was too quick for him. He grabbed the door and held it in place. Kazuki huffed and began to rub his arm. "First Uncle Yukio, now you. Why the hell can't you people just leave me alone?"

"Because I worry about you. That's part of a father's job description. What was that you said about your uncle?"

" _He_ came over to check up on me, too. You both wanna invade my privacy? Knock yourselves out," Kazuki muttered as he walked away, leaving the door open.

Rin followed behind the boy, shouting "What privacy?! You're 15 years old! You _have_ no privacy!"

"I have no privacy, I have no choices, and I have no life. And yet, I'm still being forced to exist." Kazuki muttered as he began to climb the stairs.

"Hey! Where are you going? I'm going to make dinner for you! One of your favorites, even~!" Rin called up in an attempt to entice him, maybe make him stay downstairs with him in the kitchen so they could spend time together.

"I already had dinner. So you can leave and lock the door on the way out. Good bye," the teenager muttered before disappearing upstairs.

Rin stared sadly at the top of the stairs for a few seconds before he huffed. "It's like we never left the house…"

 **X-X-X**

When Rin had checked the fridge, an annoyed sigh escaped from his mouth. "Oh, why does he have to lie about something like this?" There was nothing in the fridge. There had been no signs of him eating anything anywhere. He supposed he could've just eaten some fast food, but that still meant Rin had to make something proper for his son to eat. Starving himself was bad, but so was eating junk food.

The half-demon man toiled away in the kitchen preparing dinner with only Kuro to keep him company. Before Rin had even begun cooking, Ouji had wandered off—likely to find Kazuki, who had stowed himself away upstairs. Eventually, he was finished making everything he had wanted to make and went upstairs to fetch his son. To Rin's delight, he didn't have to carry Kazuki downstairs kicking and screaming, but the fact that he was acting so robotically to Rin's invitation to dinner made him concerned.

"Ta-da! I made Katsudon for us to eat so you could do your best at school tomorrow!" Rin exclaimed as he led his son over to a table in the dorm's cafeteria decorated with food. Kuro and Ouji were already eating from smaller bowls made just for them as the father and son sat down, their bowls placed right next to each other. "Alright, dig in! Just don't eat too fast, okay?" A minute after Rin began eating, he noticed that Kazuki's food was still untouched. "Aren't you gonna eat?"

"I told you that I already had dinner. I'm not hungry," Kazuki spoke flatly.

"We both know that's a lie, so don't go on. It's not gonna make you any less of a man if you still eat your parent's cooking after you've moved out."

"I'm not starving myself out of pride."

"Money, then?"

"No."

"Then why aren't you eating?" Rin and Kazuki stared at each other in silence for a solid minute before the father spoke, "If there's anything bothering you, you can tell me, you know. I'll understand." The teenager's face was blank, as if he didn't believe his father. "I mean it. I know we haven't been on the best terms for a while, but you can tell me anything."

"No, I can't." Kazuki spoke. Before Rin could continue asking questions, Kazuki picked up a piece of the breaded meat with his chopsticks and shoved it into his mouth. "There. Satisfied?" The teen said with his mouth full, though the look on his father's face suggested he wasn't.

He wasn't. Rin didn't like the idea of his son hiding things from him—now more than ever. But trying to pry more answers out of the boy would only lead to another fight that he didn't want. "Does it taste good?" He asked instead. When Kazuki nodded, he had to force himself to smile because he wasn't sure if the answer was an honest one. "I'm glad. I went overboard, so I made enough for you to take to school for lunch tomorrow. Since most of the people who come to school here are from rich families, pretty much all of the food in the cafeteria is beyond our price range."

"Then why do I have to go to school here," Kazuki began with a full mouth, "if I'm too poor and too dumb to get in like the rest of the students?"

"It's for your safety and you're not dumb. And don't talk with your mouth full."

"I only have to become an exorcist. Why the hell do I need an education that I'm never gonna make use of, let alone a high-class one that some kids go crazy trying to get?" The teen muttered.

"Mind your language. And you need an education so you could make something of yourself someday."

"Why? You and Uncle Yukio have college degrees. What have either of you done with your education that wasn't related to demons in some way?"

"Exorcism can't financially support a person on its own. It's important for you to get an education so you can get a job to support yourself someday."

Kazuki finally swallowed his meat so he could say with a clear mouth, "Someday… Pft!" He put down his chopsticks and made to get up from the table, but Rin grabbed his arm.

"You're not going until you've eaten every bit of food in that bowl." Kazuki only gave his father a weak glare before he sat down and resumed eating. "Speaking of school, have you prepared everything for your classes tomorrow?" All he got was a nod. "You know what you have to do to get to the cram school?" Another nod. "Are you…gonna be alright, sleeping all alone in a place like this?" Another nod, to Rin's disappointment. "So you don't miss me at all, eh?" A shake of the head this time, also to Rin's disappointment. "I miss _you_ , though," he mumbled. "Even if all we've been doing as of late is fight…and even if you still favor your mother over me, I still love you. And if you ever need something, I'll be there for you. If you have something to say, I'll listen to it. Honest."

The teenager narrowed his eyes and began to tremble. Then he suddenly stopped and resumed eating. For the rest of the meal, Kazuki ate in silence, refusing to speak anymore to Rin. He didn't even say goodbye when his father was leaving—he just closed the door quietly, not even putting in the effort to slam it shut.

 **X-X-X**

"Did you know Kazuki tried to run away yesterday?" was the topic that Yukio brought up when Rin met him the next day in the hallways of the exorcists' headquarters.

"Huh?! He tried to run away?!" Rin bellowed and began to grit his teeth. "That _boy_ …!" He calmed down and looked at his little brother. "Was it _you_ who brought him back?"

"No. I didn't even know what he had done until last night. His _'handler'_ was the one who brought him back, I think."

"And that would be…?"

"I don't know."

Rin snorted and folded his arms across his chest. "Whoever they are, they're already doing a poor job. I went to make Kazuki dinner last night and he was in there all alone! Seriously, what sort of caretaker does that?!"

Yukio stared at his older brother. "You went...to make dinner for Kazuki."

Rin nodded as he continued to frown. "It's a good thing I went, too. He had _nothing_ in the fridge—totally empty. That boy probably would've starved to death if I didn't come. I even wound up making him something for lunch today. I hope he actually takes it…" He fell silent for a moment before he looked at Yukio. "Do you think he's got eating problems? Like he's gotten sensitive about his weight as of late with everything that's been going on? I wish I knew what he was thinking, but he doesn't want to confide in me anymore…"

"I'm sure it's nothing quite so serious. This is just a tantrum."

"What's the point of throwing tantrums when he's the only person in the damn building?" The elder brother sighed before he remembered what Kazuki told him the other night. "You went to see him the other day, right?"

The brunette gave a sheepish smile. "So he told you, huh? I just wanted to see how he was getting along and tell him not to do something like that again. I even dropped in on him this morning to make sure he went to school."

Rin looked down at the ground sadly. "I'm sorry. If I were a better father, Kazuki—"

"Kazuki's upbringing has nothing to do with how he's acting. It isn't your fault."

"Still… I can't stand to see him like this. Uh… I'm thinking of visiting him again tonight. To make dinner for him. You're free to come, if you want." Yukio gave his brother a flat look. "What?"

"You can't keep babying Kazuki forever, Rin. He has to learn how to take care of himself eventually, and that includes the consequences of not doing so properly."

"Yukio… You don't understand," Rin spoke as he lowered his voice to a whisper and leaned closer to his brother. "I feel uncomfortable having Kazuki live by himself because…since he changed, one time, he actually tried to kill himself."

" _What_?! Why didn't you _tell_ anyone about this?!" Yukio hissed.

"I thought I could handle it by myself and help him get better on my own, but… Every time I've tried to get closer to him, he just pushes me further away. I don't even know if he's telling me the truth anymore, or just saying whatever he thinks will get me off of his back. I _can't_ leave him alone at a time like this. If only one person is gonna care for his wellbeing, it'll be me."

Yukio sighed. "You should've told someone about his mental state. We could've avoided having him attend cram school if the higher ups knew he wasn't well."

"Don't say it like that!" Rin snapped, making his twin jump. "He's not crazy! He's just… _miserable_ with everything that's been happening."

"The truth is that he's in no condition to be training to handle _demons_ when he could very well be _possessed_ by one!" A ringtone then chimed from a pocket in Yukio's uniform. He took out his phone and stopped the ringing. "It's about time for cram school to begin. I have to go and prepare for my class now." He looked at Rin. "Are _you_ teaching any classes this year?"

"Me? No…" Not that he didn't _try_ to get himself a position teaching one of the entry-level classes for the sake of keeping an eye on Kazuki. Unfortunately, all the instructor positions had been filled—or so said Mephisto. Then again, maybe that was for the best. Heaven knows _how_ Kazuki would react to having his father for a teacher. "I guess I'll go buy some groceries and go to the dorm to start on dinner. Remember, you're free to come. Good luck with your classes!"

 **X-X-X**

This time, it didn't take Rin all that long to find the dorm again. He not only bought groceries to make dinner with, but some food to put in the kitchen for Kazuki. He still wasn't sure if his son was eating properly, but Rin wanted to make sure he had some food there nonetheless. The fact that the leftovers from yesterday were gone made Rin happy until the thought came to mind that Kazuki might have just fed it to his inugami. Rin finished making dinner—curry rice—just as he heard the front door open and slam shut.

"Whoever came up with the concept of cram schools is the most evil person in the world. And I hope they died a very painful death," an unfamiliar voice spoke—a male, by the sounds of it. "I'm gonna be in my room. Don't wake me up unless you're dead." Rin didn't move quickly enough to get a chance to glimpse at the stranger.

"That guy… He's supposed to be watching me. For all he knows, I'm gonna try to run away again," he heard Kazuki grumble. "That's what I should do. Let him deal with the fallout from that creepy clown freak… Hm? Are you hungry, Ouji? Let's get you something to eat, okay? It's a good thing those leftovers are there. That old man's good for something after all." One of the cafeteria's doors was pushed open and Kazuki walked into the doorway, stopping at the sight of Rin. The teenager frowned and asked, "Again? Don't you know the meaning of privacy? Then again, no one really cares about _my_ opinion, do they?"

Rin ignored Kazuki's attitude and smiled. "Since I can't trust you to eat anything healthy, I've decided to make this a routine until you can prove me otherwise." The exorcist took a deep breath as he put his hands on his hips. "Anyway, you should be grateful that you have a loving and caring father who's willing to cook for you! Despite your attitude towards him, may I add?"

"I didn't _ask_ you to come cook for me! And if you hate my attitude so much, then just leave me alone!" Kazuki snapped and turned around to leave the kitchen, only for Rin to grab his arm and pull him further into the room. "Lemme go!"

"Aw, don't get that way! I made curry rice~!"

"I'm _not_ hungry. I just came to get Ouji something to eat before I go upstairs, do my homework, and go to bed."

Rin gave his son a look of concern. "Seriously? Without dinner? When was the last time you ate today?" Kazuki said nothing and gave his father a hard glare, which was responded to with a worried look that didn't match his stern command of, "You're going to eat before anything else."

"You…! Ugh! Fine!"

Just like the previous night, the quarter-demon boy was led over to a table that had already been set with food, and made to eat in the chair next to his father. Kuro and Ouji, the latter of whom had snuck in while Rin and Kazuki were arguing, were already almost done with their plates as the father and son began theirs. The meal began in terse silence at first. Kazuki seemed to be taking out his frustrations on his food, angrily stirring the rice into the curry so it all sat in the center of the bowl in one sloppy mess. But after the boy fed himself a small spoonful of curry and rice, he calmed down a bit.

"So who was that I heard a while ago?" Rin asked now that he felt Kazuki was in a good enough mood to answer his questions. "The exorcist responsible for you?"

"He's responsible for me, but he's no exorcist."

"Oh?"

"He taking exorcist classes in cram school. _Has to_ , he says."

"Really." He wanted to call it odd, but considering his own experiences in cram school, he couldn't. "And they trust a person who's not even an exorcist to take care of you?" And considering how Kazuki was starving yesterday, doing a poor job of it.

"He called his situation iffy. He says he's been dealing with demons for years, and that the exorcists would rather not have amateurs running around getting themselves killed, so he wound up being forced to come here, too." Oh, _wonderful_. A person for Kazuki to rage against the True Cross with. "He said he'll kill me if I get rowdy."

"Sounds like a pleasant guy. What's his name?"

"Kuroba."

"Kuroba _what_?"

"That's all he told me when he introduced himself. Get off of it already…"

Rin fell silent as he searched his mind for more topics. He looked at Kazuki's plate and noticed that he wasn't eating anymore. In fact, he was pretty sure he hadn't seen him eat more than that small spoonful. " _Eat_. You won't be able to focus if you don't eat." Kazuki ate another spoonful of curry and rice. When his father continued to give him a hard stare, he ate more—although they were small bites. "How was your first day of school?"

"Which one?" Kazuki spoke before shoving another portion of curry rice into his mouth.

"Any one. Start from the beginning if you'd like." Rin wasn't expecting some grand story told with exuberance like his son used to do when he was small. Kazuki had made it plain to see that no amount of high praise for True Cross Academy would change the fact that he saw the school as a prison. So he wasn't surprised to hear Kazuki describe all his classes as _'boring'_. "What about the students? Did you make friends?"

"I don't wanna make friends with _anyone_ in this place. They're either rich kids, smart kids, or weirdoes that are crazy enough to wanna fight demons for a living. Not a normal kid in the bunch. Not that _I'm_ not a freak or anything…"

"You aren't a freak."

"I have a _tail_ ," Kazuki spoke bluntly.

"Speaking of which, you don't have to keep it hidden while you're here, you know. If that other kid knows what you are, you're free to let it out."

"It's _my_ tail and if I wanna keep it hidden, it's gonna _stay_ hidden until I'm either _dead_ or someone does me a favor and _cuts it off_ ," the dark-haired boy spoke quickly. "And before you say anything about _'accepting what I am'_ , please don't. I don't have to accept anything. I just have to tolerate it until…" he trailed off and glared at a wall before shoveling a heaping amount of curry rice into his mouth.

Rin sighed as he took in the oddity of his son's all-too calm outburst. "Do I dare ask how your cram school classes went?"

"My classmates are stupid. What sort of crazy people decide to become exorcists when they can't even see demons? And then they decide to get bitten so they _can_ see demons. Bunch of idiots…!"

Thus began another rant from Kazuki, which Rin honestly didn't mind. He preferred his son to be angry and complaining than quiet and secretive—even more so when he's eating spoonfuls of curry rice between his angry statement and swallowing before he continues. It's enough for Rin to fool himself into thinking that things will finally be going back to normal for them. And then, very suddenly, that anger faded and Kazuki began to stare at his father. "Hm? Is something wrong?"

"…You don't have to keep doing this. It has to be a drain on money since Mom isn't around anymore. You don't have to waste money trying to make me happy." Ah. A rare moment when he's actually understanding of his father.

"It isn't a waste. It's my job as your father to make sure you're well taken care of."

"But the money—"

"I'll get a part-time job if I have to make ends meet. But like I said, I can't trust you to eat healthy on your own. I'll stop if you can convince me that you can eat properly. Can you?" Rin stared at his son. Kazuki stared back before he picked up his plate and tried to eat everything that was left on it very quickly. Eventually, he ate more than he could handle and wound up coughing and choking on his food. "I wanted a _verbal_ answer! Don't go choking yourself trying to please me!" Rin exclaimed as he struck his son's back in order to help him breathe.

 **X-X-X**

A couple of hours after Rin and Kuro had left, Kazuki sat behind the desk in his room, staring down at a passage in a language textbook that he had to read for one of his normal classes. The books for his cram school classes were still in his bag, unopened from the moment he got them because he had no intention to study for classes he wasn't taking willingly. Once he was finished reading, Kazuki shut the book, put it away, got up and left the room.

He went downstairs to the bathroom and went into the stall closest to the door. He got on his knees, took a breath, and after a moment of preparation, the quarter-demon tried to make himself throw up. _'Tried'_ being the keyword because he honestly didn't know how to. He knew there were people who threw up willingly, so it shouldn't be _too_ hard.

"Are you trying to make yourself vomit?" A voice spoke from behind Kazuki, making him immediately straighten up. He didn't look over his shoulder at the newcomer—his 3-in-1 roommate/handler/jailer who was barely older than him. "Don't tell me your plan is to off yourself by _starving_ to death. How lame."

Kazuki shook with anger, but held himself. He ran away yesterday on an impulse, to escape the fate that others had planned for him. He'd gotten far, too, relying on the money he had in his pocket to take him as far as possible. It was only when he got to the nearest town that he realized that it was in vain. Even if he escaped from True Cross Town, he'd still be a demon in a world of demons that weren't seen by the blissfully ignorant normal people—a world he didn't belong in and didn't want to _try_ belonging in. His only escape from it, in his opinion, was to die, and heaven knows if that was possible as he was now. So when he was attacked by Kuroba and dragged back to the academy campus, a thought formed in his mind: could he maybe starve to death? Surely regenerative healing couldn't save his body if it had nothing to sustain it. But then his _dad_ had to shove his nose into his business and be a typical worrying, _caring_ parent and see to it that he was fed something.

"You know…there are _better_ ways of offing yourself. Much _faster_ ways, anyway." Kuroba's voice drew closer, which made Kazuki stiffen. "Unless you're worried that something will go wrong, and that you'll wake up from whatever you do to yourself? If I were allowed to, I'd put you out of your misery," he whispered into his ear. "After all, the weak-willed are just bait to bring more demons into the world. If you can't change, it might be better if you're just _put down_ …" After a few seconds, Kazuki heard a stifled laugh, then footsteps that eventually faded out.

After a few minutes of staring blankly at the tiled wall, Kazuki decided to get up from the floor and walk back to his room. He didn't feel the urge to try and empty his stomach, but the desire to fade from the face of the earth sat in his mind.


	3. Sickness

_Disclaimer : Blu Rose doesn't own the Blue Exorcist series. Only this fic._

 _Chapter_ _Summary :_ _Kazuki's progress with controlling his powers is practically nonexistent and his roommate/handler is probably more likely to harm him than help him. What more could put stress on Rin's mind? Probably a sick child._

 **X-X-X**

 **Part 3: Sick of this**

"I told Mephisto about what Kazuki did." Yukio's statement almost made Rin choke on his lunch and glare at his younger brother, which Yukio returned with a hard stare. "I know you're confident that he can get better before he has to confront any demons, but it's better to be safe than sorry." Rin still continued to glare. Today was only Kazuki's second day of school and his _third_ day of living away from home. He didn't need to have the Vatican breathing down his neck from worry over his mentality. Kazuki's mood was already bad enough without needing to go to therapy. "If it makes you feel better, he seems to have as much faith in Kazuki pulling himself together before the promotion exam as you do."

Rin couldn't help flinching. _He_ just didn't want Kazuki to have anything more on his plate. _Mephisto_ on the other hand… _His_ intentions for Kazuki were unknown, other than the idea that he'd be useful. God knows if Rin actually _wanted_ him to be useful. "Just so long as he has no other shit to deal with." He began eating once again while Yukio just looked uncomfortable.

"Speaking of Kazuki, how is his training?"

"Fine," Rin lied. They hadn't had a session since Kazuki moved out, because Rin wanted him to have some time to adapt to his new surroundings and the addition of cram school responsibilities. Rin told himself that they would start again on Saturday, and at some point, he would have to tell Kazuki the same. Maybe tonight at dinner.

"So he's actually got control of his flames now?"

"No."

"Can he use them at all?" The older twin gave no response and continued eating. He could feel Yukio glowering right at him. " _Rin_ …"

"It's not like it's something you get the hang of straight away!" Rin defended his son's progress. "Kazuki just has to get used to everything that's happening first."

"He's had almost half a year! If he hasn't gotten the hang of it by now, he may never be able to." Rin didn't answer and just kept eating. Yukio sighed and adjusted his glasses. "I really think it'd be for the best if Kazuki was dropped out of the cram school program. But I'm worried about what might happen if that were to occur…"

"They'll realize he's harmless and not cut out to be an exorcist, so they'll leave him alone."

"That doesn't feel likely."

"Oh, you just worry too much!" Rin growled before he pointed his chopsticks at Yukio. "I wouldn't be surprised if Kazuki learned to be so gloomy from _you_! Because he sure as hell didn't get it from _me_!"

"You're right. He gets his _stubbornness_ from you—he just uses it in a different way."

"What a funny joke. I almost believed you for a second," Rin growled as he gave his brother a halfhearted glare.

"Jokes are funny. _That_ is a painfully obvious truth." Yukio spoke bluntly before he got up from the table. "Anyway, I need to finish some things before cram school begins."

"But that's not for hours!" Rin complained as his twin walked away and waved farewell without looking over his shoulder. "You're stubborn, too, y'know! You spotty, four-eyed jerk…"

 **X-X-X**

Eventually, the first weekend came for True Cross Academy students. On Saturday evening, just before cram school began, Rin sent his son a text message instructing him to come and meet him in the training area after his last cram school class. And despite the fact that he was the one who set up the meeting, Rin was the one who arrived late and to the sight of his son standing around with his arms folded across his chest and an annoyed look on his face.

"You think it's funny to keep me waiting?! Do you have any idea how much homework I have to do?! How much time I have to waste waiting for you, you _slowpoke?_!" Kazuki complained as he pointed a finger at his father.

"Heh-heh! Sorry. I took a nap this afternoon and slept for longer than I realized." Rin apologized sheepishly as he approached his son.

"Are you for real?!"

"Hey, I've been working myself thin trying to find a part-time job that's flexible enough for my other demands!"

"As if! You're just lazy by nature!"

"You shouldn't talk to your father that way." Rin stopped anymore words from coming out of Kazuki's mouth by ruffling the boy's hair playfully. "Or else I'll make your training even worse!" Just then, Rin finally took note of the sound of dull thuds happening every couple of seconds. Someone was using one of the batting cages on the other side of the room. "Looks like somebody's already here training. Hope you don't mind having an audience."

Kazuki stiffened for a moment, his mouth clenched tightly into a line before it changed to a frown. "It's just my… It's _Kuroba_ ," Kazuki spoke, sounding bitter just mentioning the other boy's name. "He's never supposed to leave me alone, so he came along. Now let's get this stupid training over with so I can call it a day."

"What? You're not going to introduce us?" It had been an entire week now and Rin had yet to see his son's roommate. The boy always went straight upstairs to his room after returning to the dorm from cram school and never bothered to come down at any point when Rin was around. He at least wanted to know what sort of person was responsible for his son—and possibly the closest thing to a friend.

"Trust me: you won't like each other. Candle."

Dropping the subject of his handler, Rin took out a single wax candle from the bag he carried along with him. He only ever brought along a single candle these days because of the number of sessions where nothing happened. At this point, Rin would consider setting the entire room on fire a successful training session. Rin placed the candle on the floor and Kazuki dropped down into a cross-legged sitting position to begin staring at the candle, already looking disinterested mere seconds into the training. Sometimes Rin wondered if Kazuki even _tried_ to call upon his flames during these sessions, because he felt that _he_ looked more determined when he was training back in the day.

Still, if there was one thing these uneventful training sessions were good for, it was getting a chance to talk to his son. It was better than standing behind Kazuki in silence for seemingly forever, waiting for something that wasn't going to happen. "So, how was school today?"

"Fine."

"Nothing interesting happened?"

"It's _school_. Nothing interesting happens every day."

"Even cram school?"

"I don't care about cram school."

"It's still different from normal school classes."

"Learning bible verses and the uses of plants is just as boring as anything in a _normal_ class and even far less interesting. Oh, and exorcists' idea of P.E. shows how psychotic you people are."

Rin gave a crooked smile behind his son's back. "I wouldn't call us psychotic…"

"You sic giant frogs on children to make them run faster."

"It's training. It's necessary."

"One of them almost killed me. I didn't really try to _stop_ it, but still…it almost killed me."

And just like that, the worrywart papa emerged and turned Kazuki around so he could look him over. "WHAT?! Are you okay? Did you get seriously hurt? Where _did_ you get hurt, anyway?!" As he asked his questions, Rin began tugging at the boy's school uniform so he could search his skin for any signs of a demonic taint.

"CUT IT OUT!" Kazuki roared before falling over to avoid his father's hands. His head landed closed to the candle, which he proceeded to glare at. "I'm still alive, so that means I'm fine. Dumb frog wasn't fast enough to kill me before it got put back in its cage…" He sounded disappointed about that.

"You better not be acting recklessly on purpose. I want that sort of behavior to stop, you hear?"

"Yeah, yeah," Kazuki spoke dully. He continued staring at the candle from his position on the floor, seemingly intending to stay down there for the rest of the session.

"Is _this_ what you call training, Akumura? You look even more pathetic than you usually do…" The voice came from the relative stranger who had been hiding away in the batting cage until now. Kuroba turned out to be a boy with short brown hair and matching eyes. His school uniform's blazer and blouse were unbuttoned, showing off a black wife beater. His mocking tone and apathetic expression didn't really paint him as a friendly guy off the bat.

Kazuki didn't respond with words. He simply sighed and refused to look at the brunette, Rin, however, was eager to introduce himself to the boy. He approached Kuroba and extended a hand in greeting. "Hey there! I'm Rin Okumura, Kazuki's dad. It's nice to finally meet you!" Rin smiled brightly. "Please don't judge me for my son's terrible communication skills! He doesn't admit it, but he's incredibly shy."

"That's bullshit and we both know it," Kazuki commented from his spot on the floor.

Kuroba ducked around Rin, ignoring his offered handshake, and approached Kazuki. "Could you be any lamer? If you can't use your powers, what use _are_ you?"

"Hey!" Rin growled, upset over both being ignored and having his son insulted.

"What makes you think I wanna _be_ of any use?"

"Maybe if you were in danger of dying, you'd use your flames…" At that moment, Rin finally noticed the bat Kuroba held in his hand. The brunette raised the bat, as if intending to hit Kazuki with it while the quarter-demon was staring at the candle. But before he could even attempt to do such a thing, Rin grabbed the head of the bat and prevented Kuroba from swinging it down. "Huh?"

"What the hell do you think you're doing?! You're supposed to be _protecting_ him, not beating him up!"

Kuroba gave Rin an over the shoulder look of confusion, like he was a person who couldn't tell the obvious. "He heals."

"So what?"

"Exactly. If he heals, why care if he gets hurt?" Rin just glared at the boy, his anger reflected in the sparks of blue that seemed to light up in his eyes. Then it was like a light went on in Kuroba's head as his mouth formed an O shape. "Ohhh, riiiight! You're his— Well, no wonder you're upset. Familial attachments and all." He looked down at Kazuki, though he kept talking to Rin. "Have you ever thought that maybe Akumura Jr. could tap into his power if you stopped playing nice?"

" _Violence_ isn't going to help him learn control."

"And staring at a candle will?"

Rin snorted and pulled the bat out of Kuroba's hands. "How about you just go wait _over there_ until we're finished?" He used the bat to point to a corner of the training area. Kuroba walked away, but went back in the direction of the batting cages instead. The half-demon grumbled curses as he grabbed Kazuki and forced him to sit up. "Right! Concentrate! And I mean _seriously_ concentrate! Even if you don't wanna be an exorcist, you _need_ to learn how to control yourself!" He said as he used the butt of the bat to lightly tap Kazuki on the head.

"I haven't burned down anything yet. Isn't _that_ control?" Kazuki muttered.

"Suppression out of fear doesn't count. If anything, that means it'll be far worse when you _do_ lose control. I don't want that to happen to you and _you_ shouldn't want anything bad to happen to you, too! So concentrate!"

For the rest of their time spent together, Rin continued drilling Kazuki on using his flames—an attempt that was in vain. The exorcist swore that when he glanced at Kuroba, the boy was smirking about his failure. All three of them went back to the dorm. Rin made dinner and Kuroba didn't join them—something Rin was strangely relieved about.

 **X-X-X**

The following day, the first thing Rin did when he got onto the campus was make a beeline for Mephisto's office. He barged into the room despite the secretary exclaiming how he couldn't just do that. "HEY! I got a bone to pick with you!" He didn't find himself regretting his entrance even as the frightened schoolboy sitting in front of Mephisto's desk stared at him like he was a maniac. Said boy was quickly shooed out of the room by the headmaster, who still wore a smile on his face as he greeted Rin.

"Good morning, Okumura-san. To what do I owe the _pleasure_ of your presence?"

"Kuroba." The name alone was all it took to make Mephisto roll his eyes. "I'm fully aware by now that you like to use people—"

"Use is such a harsh word. I prefer to think of it as covert aid."

"—but of all the people you could've gotten to stay alone with Kazuki, you chose someone like _that_?!"

The purple-haired demon sighed and bridged his hands together. "Surely by now you would know to trust in my decisions. Plus, you have no idea how difficult it is to find a candidate for a job like this—someone who would be able to be with Okumura-kun often without drawing attention and still be able to handle him. And on such short notice! After all, he isn't as fortunate enough to have things planned ahead of time for him."

"Just tell me who the hell he is and what got _him_ chosen!" Rin snapped.

Mephisto's smile had most certainly become a smirk now. "Quite rude for a beggar, aren't we? Rest assured that there's no need to worry. He may rough house a bit, but he's _much_ too attached to his own life to actually kill the boy." Rin looked confused, but when he opened his mouth to ask what Mephisto was talking about, the Demon King waved him off and said, "It's really none of your business. Nothing you need to know about."

The half-demon felt his stress build up to its peak. " _He's_ the one responsible for _my_ son when I'm not there! I deserve to—"

A sugary-sounding J-pop song and Mephisto holding up a hand silenced Rin's demand-making. The purple-haired demon answered his cellphone. "I do hope you remembered what I said about calling me too often…" He spoke in an intimidating tone as he glared down at the phone. He then held the phone closer to his ear, looking uninterested in what was being said by the person on the other end. "So I see. That isn't a problem, then. Take some time off if need be, the both of you. …Did you take me for a cruel taskmaster who makes people work when they're unwell? I care about every one of my precious little students. …And you'd like _me_ to play doctor? Oh. Actually, I have a certain someone here who might be able to help you. I'll send him your way." He hung up and looked at Rin, expecting a response to that call.

"What's wrong?" Rin muttered, sounding exasperated as he was blocked off from the truth. "Something wrong with one of the students on campus?"

Mephisto nodded. "It appears that Okumura-kun has fallen ill and Kuroba-kun isn't sure what to do. To paraphrase what he said, he doesn't know how to cure a demon who's supposed to cure himself. I'm certain _you_ know by now how to cure him of what ails him."

"God damn it…! What did that kid do to him?" Rin growled under his breath, clenching his fists tightly. "There's gonna be hell to pay!" He shouted. Before turning around and running out of the office, Rin just barely caught a glimpse of the entertained look on Mephisto's face.

 **X-X-X**

"You really are _the most_ pathetic demon ever," Kuroba muttered. He stood over Kazuki, who was in bed motionless and pale. His tail, at some point, slipped out from under his clothes, but not even _that_ part of Kazuki moved or twitched for as long as he laid there. He probably would've been mistaken for a dead body if it wasn't for the occasional blink of his eyes and shallow breaths. "All you can do is heal yourself and you can't even fight _sickness_. Seriously, why do people care about keeping you alive when you're so useless? Maybe they think you'll decide to be like one of those anime heroes who fights monsters despite being one himself. That's such a tired out trope… It figures a bunch of old farts like the sound of that." The brunette bent over his dark-haired roommate and got a dangerous glint in his eyes. "It'd be so easy to put you outta your misery right now…"

The statement elicited a growl from Ouji. The inugami had been sitting at Kazuki's bedside since he had been bedbound, and since Kuroba refused to leave the room, much of Ouji's time was spent glaring at the brunette. The brunette stepped away from his roommate and plopped down on the bed set on the other side of the room. Even then, the dog kept glaring at Kuroba.

As if on cue, the door of the bedroom was forced open—even though it wasn't locked in the first place—and Rin came barging in with an upset expression. "KAZUKI!"

"Well, hell. I thought he wouldn't come here until tonight…" Kuroba muttered. The sound of his voice drew Rin's attention onto him, followed promptly by his rage. In what felt like an instant, Rin had grabbed Kuroba's shirt and lifted him up off the bed. "Hey! What're you—?!"

"What did you do to him?!" The half-demon growled.

"He's _sick_!"

"Because you did something to him!"

"Why would I do anything to that loser?!"

"You tried to hit him with a _baseball bat_!"

"I also cleaned up his goddamn _vomit_ earlier and dragged his sorry ass back to bed!" The sound of retching followed by the sound of something splattering onto the floor made the brunette cringe before he glared in Kazuki's direction. "Not _again_! You haven't even eaten breakfast! Where is all that crap coming from?!"

Rin promptly dropped Kuroba on the floor before whirling around to look at his son. Kazuki's leg dangled off of the bed like he had been trying to leave to throw up. Obviously, from the vomit on the floor, he failed, and now he was wearing a look of pain from the effort. Said vomit wasn't pleasant to look at, either. It fizzed like carbonated soda and the faint tinges of red in it made Rin fear the worst. He approached Kazuki's bed, making sure to avoid what the boy had expelled, and helped him back into bed. "Why didn't you call and tell me you were sick?" Then again, considering how weak he looked at the moment, maybe Kazuki simply didn't have the strength to even _pick up_ a phone. Thinking _that_ was better than thinking he didn't want his help. "You probably picked up some bug or something."

"A guy who can probably heal from having his stomach torn open is susceptible to a stomach virus," Kuroba commented from his side of the room.

Rin looked at him from over his shoulder. "Just leave and let _me_ look after him."

"I'm his handler. It's my job to handle him."

"Well you're not doing a good job of it, so just get out."

"How about _you_ get out? I already called for help, and I'm sure they'll be more capable of taking care of Akumura than his daddy."

"I'm the one Mephisto sent to clean up _your_ mess."

For the first time since they met, Kuroba looked genuinely displeased. "Oh, God, _why_ …?"

 **X-X-X**

Several hours later, Rin stood next to Kazuki's bed. Kurikara and the jacket that made up his exorcist's uniform had been put aside in a corner of the boys' room quite a while ago, right in Kazuki's line of view—a view that was only changed when he needed to throw up. A small bucket taken from the dorm bathroom had been placed beside his bed, but the recently wet spot on the floor showed that Kazuki tended to miss it. It was the vomit that was _in_ the bucket that was unsettling—or rather the _amount_ of it. At least a quarter of the bucket had been filled with the unsettling-looking throw-up, which made Rin worried and confused. What if this was something more serious than a mere illness? Something demonic? Heaven knows how often coal tar and other weak demons of rot had slipped past Mephisto's barrier, but it certainly wasn't _never_.

"Alright, son. I know you're not feeling well, but I need you to answer some questions for me." Kazuki grunted, showing that he was paying attention, but not so much whether or not he'd cooperate. "Did you happen to come across any demons last night? Maybe while you were in cram school?"

"No." The person who said that was Kuroba, who was sitting at one of the desks set on the other end of the room. While Kazuki was throwing his guts up, Kuroba was doing his homework for Monday. "We didn't come across any demons yesterday. And before you ask how I'd know that, I make sure to keep my eyes on Akumura _everywhere_. Even the bathroom." His last statement got the brunette a look of suspicion from Rin. "I'm his handler. I'm supposed to keep an eye on him at all times."

Rin looked back down at Kazuki. "I can't know how to help you if you don't tell me anything. You can't be so weak that you can't say anything." Still no response.

"Y'know, considering that he wants to die so badly, he's probably not saying anything on purpose," said Kuroba as he kept his eyes on his schoolwork. "Dying of a stomach virus… What a lame way to go. Though I guess it's more natural than dying of starvation…"

The sound of Kazuki throwing up into the bucket once again made Rin ignore the young brunette and set about trying to help him. "I don't know any demon that makes a person's body react like this," The half-demon spoke as he rubbed his son's back, talking more to himself than either of the boys. "I think I need another opinion on this…" He muttered as he checked his watch and pulled his phone out of his pants pocket. Rin dialed a number and after a moment of waiting, he got through. "Hey! Listen, I kind of need your opinion on something and Yukio's off on a mission right now, so…"

 **X-X-X**

Shiemi had a meister as a doctor and was also the teacher of this year's entry level demon pharmacology class for the exorcist cram school, so naturally, she was the next person Rin would call after Yukio for a situation like a demon patient. Of course, she also had her own responsibilities—to her role as an exorcist, a wife, a mother, and now a teacher—so Rin was worried she would be too busy to be able to help. All he wanted was advice and an opinion, but Shiemi was more than willing to come by the dorm to take a look at Kazuki herself.

Moments later, she arrived dressed in one of the kimonos she usually wore at home, her long blonde hair held in place to the back of her head by a pin and a comb bearing a floral design. She was carrying a first aid kit for exorcist-related means, her hands gripping the handle of the box tightly. She had a serious look on her face and she spared little time with pleasantries. "Please take me to Kazuki-kun."

Rin guided her upstairs and to the sole occupied room in the building. Kuroba's reaction upon seeing Shiemi was a mixture of confusion and unpleasantness. "Huh? What's Fukui-sensei doing here?" Then he muttered to himself, "And what the heck is she wearing?"

Kazuki also reacted to Shiemi's appearance. His body shuddered for a moment, his tail twitched, and his pupils shrank all at once as he took in a short breath of air.

His teacher paid little mind to her healthy student and crossed over to the ill one. Her serious expression had become one of concern and she began to check him over the same way Rin had moments ago, even wiping away the sweat on his forehead and speaking to him softly and sweetly. She looked more like a mother than a doctor before her attention fell on the bucket of vomit on the floor. She sniffed its contents. "I smell rosemary…mugwort…" Shiemi listed several more plants whose scents she somehow managed to get from smelling Kazuki's vomit. It was hard to believe that the crap he threw up probably carried faint scents of something similar to the garden at Shiemi's home. It certainly stunned Rin once she was finished listing about seven types of plants that she had been able to identify. Then Shiemi's expression became serious once more. She looked down at Kazuki and placed her hands on her hips. "You didn't. Where is it? _Where is it_?"

Kazuki's looked in the direction of his book bag. Shiemi moved over to it and searched its contents.

"Uh… What're you doing, Shiemi?" Rin asked, unsure what looking through Kazuki's things would do for him.

The blonde woman pulled out a small plastic bottle. It held some murky-looking water inside with bits of green and purple collected at the bottom in a heap. She looked over at Kazuki to give him a look of disappointment before standing up and looking at Rin. "I think we need to talk outside for a moment…"

 **X-X-X**

"At our last class…I instructed the students on how to make a certain concoction that could be used to exorcise demons. I allowed them to take what they made with them after class was done, but I…didn't think…" Shiemi sighed and buried her face in her hands. "I didn't think for a second about something bad happening to Kazuki-kun because…" She wasn't used to the idea of him not being human anymore and being affected by things like a homemade equivalent to holy water. "I am _so_ sorry about this, Rin. Th-this wouldn't have happened if I—!"

"It's not your fault! Besides, it's not like you _knew_ he'd drink it, considering…"

"Why on earth would he _do_ such a thing after my demonstration?"

Rin forced himself to smile despite the pain and anger twisting knots inside of him. "You know teenage boys: they do a lot of dumb things. He probably didn't think it would do anything at all to him," he told Shiemi. Maybe also to himself in a vain attempt to ignore the more likely possibility.

"Anyway, even if Kazuki-kun's awakened his demonic power, he's still more human than demon and a lot stronger than a mere coal tar. His stomach's most likely been agitated by what he drank and it's resulted in him getting sick. It probably didn't help the rest of his body, either… I'm sure he'll be okay by tomorrow, but I'd still like to make some tea for him. It won't cure him, but it will help ease his stomach." But even after making enough tea to help Kazuki get through the night, Shiemi stuck around to help Rin make a dinner that Kazuki hopefully would be able to eat and prepare the bento he would take to school tomorrow. Though really, it seemed like she only stuck around for a surprise parent-teacher conference. "I'm a bit concerned about how Kazuki's adjusting to boarding school life," the blonde said in the midst of cleaning up. "I'm sure it's very difficult considering everything that's happened, but I was hoping that he would at least… _try_ to participate. I mean, it must feel a tad strange when someone you know is your teacher, but he's spent most of his week in my class not even paying attention to me. It's a bit insulting…"

"D-don't worry! Kazuki has nothing against you!" Rin assured her. "Like you said, he's just having a hard time adjusting to things. And he was never interested in exorcist stuff, so it's no surprise that he isn't putting effort into his classes." Not that he wanted Kazuki to do well. Rin had totally convinced himself that the worst thing flunking out of cram school would get his son was the Vatican's belief that his son was incapable of being an exorcist. He doubted Shiemi would see things the same way, though.

"I would really like it if he tried to cooperate and paid attention so something like _this_ can be avoided in the future."

"I'm sure he'll learn to not put anything in his mouth that you teach him to make. Or… _anything_ used to harm demons. Thank you for being concerned for him. I'll give him a good scolding over this."

 **X-X-X**

"So you drank something made to destroy demons." Kuroba gave Kazuki a lopsided smirk from across the room on his bed. "What? Were you dumb enough to think you were only _possessed_ by a demon and that you could _exorcise_ your demon bits away? Or were you sincerely trying to kill yourself again? Well…at least death by poison is a lot less lame than starving to death. And it probably would've worked if you were more demon than human."

Even while in pain, Kazuki managed to cast a glare at his roommate before allowing himself to be distracted by Ouji. The inugami had jumped up onto his bed and squirmed his way into his master's arms. Kazuki held Ouji close and whispered to him in a small voice, "I was so sure it would work. For once, being human got in the way… Nothing ever goes the way I want it to, does it?" Ouji's reaction was to lick Kazuki's face in an attempt to make him feel better.

"Why don't you just face facts and let those old church farts use you like the thing you are? I mean, it seems pretty impossible for you to die—unless your next method's gonna be finding a way to destroy your demon's heart." Kazuki looked at his roommate in confusion. "You know: that thing that's ironically a demon's greatest strength and biggest weakness." Kazuki maintained his confused look. Kuroba began to look annoyed at the quarter-demon's ignorance. "If you reveal your heart, you'll awaken the full force of your power—those blue flames people make a fuss over? But at the same time, you'd expose a major weak point. Destroy a demon's heart and they die instantly." Despite being a piece of morbid news, Kazuki's eyes lit up at the mention of it.

And then that light died the moment Rin entered the room holding a cup of hot tea. The look on his face was stern as he approached Kazuki and held out the cup. "Drink it." The quarter-demon stared at the tea with his lips twisted in disgust. "It'll help you feel better. Unless you _want_ to keep throwing up?" With hesitation, Kazuki took the cup of tea and began to drink it. He shuddered a bit from the bitter taste, but kept drinking it. Rin looked at Kuroba. "Could you leave us alone for a moment?"

"Is this the part where you beat sense into him?" A sharp glare from the half-demon made the brunette boy roll his eyes before leaving the room.

Rin turned back to Kazuki, looking upset. The boy just kept drinking his tea, having been expecting a lecture from the moment Shiemi found his demon-purging concoction. "I'm moving in here." But he hadn't been expecting to hear _that_ , and wound up spitting the tea back into the cup from surprise. Rin's stern expression didn't change a bit as he continued, "I obviously can't trust you to take care of yourself and that Kuroba kid didn't even notice what you did."

"I don't need you—!"

"You haven't proved that! All you've proved is that you need a-a babysitter to make sure you don't do _stupid things_ like that! What on earth even possessed you to _do_ such a thing?! Were you trying to _kill yourself_ or did you just think you could _purge_ your demon blood out of you like it was some goddamn illness?! Damn it, Kazuki, I thought you'd accepted this by now! There's no going back, so just face reality and stop doing stupid crap!" Kazuki remained silent and began drinking tea once more to ignore his father and the way his eyes teared up during his complaining. "I'm going home to get some things and Kuro. Don't you _dare_ do anything while I'm gone." He walked out of the room, unaware of Kazuki glaring at his back.


	4. Wants and Needs

**EDIT:** Changes have been made to the end of this chapter. **  
**

 _Disclaimer: Blu Rose doesn't own the Blue Exorcist series, only this fic._

 **X-X-X**

 **Part 4: Wants and Needs**

To Rin's dismay, Mephisto didn't allow him to live in the dorm with Kazuki and Kuroba. He gave excuses about the various ways it could look bad if someone saw a full-grown man coming out of a dorm that was supposed to be abandoned. Really, Rin felt like Mephisto only wanted him as far from his son as possible so he couldn't stop whatever shady plan he had in mind. But regardless of Mephisto's true intentions, he was still his superior…unfortunately.

But just because he wasn't allowed to live with the boys didn't mean he couldn't keep a close eye on them. Rin decided that it simply meant that he had to be there the moment they woke up and had to hurry off to class and the moment they returned home from cram school. So afternoons became the busiest time of day for Rin while the rest of his days' time was spent tending to his son—and sometimes by extension his lousy handler. It wasn't something that the boys themselves liked, but their favor wasn't Rin's main priority. All he wanted was to make sure Kazuki did nothing stupid ever again.

Of course, as a result, the already strained relationship between Rin and Kazuki got even worse. There were days when Kazuki managed to leave the dorm earlier than Rin could arrive and nights when he stayed out late with a lie of eating out, all so he could avoid his father—and Kuroba was more than happy to tag along rather than stop him. Not only that, but Kazuki actually seemed to be putting effort into trying to control his flames. Rin didn't know _why_ , but his willingness to try and accept the flames was unsettling. Or maybe it was the ease with which Kazuki seemed to be going at it while still trying to resist everything else that was relatively new.

Regardless of whatever issues or doubts arose after Kazuki's third suicide attempt, nothing as serious happened afterwards. While things certainly didn't get any better, they settled into a sort of normalcy that gave Rin some peace of mind. Months passed and eventually, the spring semester at True Cross Academy was coming to a close. That also meant that the exwire promotion exam was approaching, which would determine whether or not Kazuki would continue taking cram school classes or flunk out. Neither Kazuki nor Kuroba talked about it, but he assumed that there were no problems.

That was before Shiemi came up to him in the cram school hallway and dragged the half-demon exorcist into the small plant-filled room she called her office to further talk about his son. When Shiemi sat down behind her desk and cleared her throat, Rin felt as if he'd been pulled into an impromptu parent-teacher conference. "We need to talk about Kazuki-kun. First of all, I think that you should know that Kazuki-kun hasn't done anything _seriously_ bad…"

Rin blinked in surprise. "Uh, okay…" He honestly didn't think she'd want to talk about Kazuki unless he did something wrong again.

"However," the blonde continued, "When I gave the students the sheets to choose their desired meister, Kazuki-kun handed me back a blank sheet and told me to just choose one for him."

"Oh. That's not so bad."

Shiemi frowned and folded her arms across her chest. "You should be concerned about this, Rin! If Kazuki-kun flunks out of cram school, he'll be—!"

"No, he won't. Kazuki's too harmless to hurt anyone and too weak to be fighting against demons. There's no point in wanting him for anything." The blonde woman continued to frown and give Rin a disapproving look. "Really. There's no reason to worry—" He stopped when Shiemi narrowed her eyes.

"I sincerely hope you don't really believe that, because if you _do_ and Kazuki-kun fails because _you_ refused to consider the consequences, that may lead to something awful happening to him, and you're going to hate yourself so much for that." After a few seconds of glaring, Shiemi cleared her throat and folded her hands together. "Kazuki-kun turned down the _'optional'_ training camp as well. I would like it if _someone_ changed his mind and got him to take part so he's prepared for the exwire exam—especially considering where the exam is going to take place. I've been trying to get him to reconsider all week, but you're his father. He's more likely to listen to _you_ than to _me_."

"No, he's not."

Shiemi sighed. "You know, Kazuki-kun would probably be more cooperative if you were more supportive and less negative about his talents."

"I'm not being negative! If he wanted to become an exorcist, I'd be behind him 100 percent! He doesn't have what it takes to be an exorcist, he doesn't want to _be_ an exorcist and I don't wanna force him to do what he doesn't want to do."

"This isn't about what Kazuki-kun _wants_ , it's about what he _needs_!"

"All he _needs_ is to learn control, not fight for people against his will!" Shiemi opened her mouth to say more, but Rin interrupted her, saying, "I'll get Kazuki to participate in the promotion exam, but don't think I'm gonna tell him to become something he doesn't want to be. End of discussion. Thanks for your concern," he muttered before leaving Shiemi's office, unable to resist the urge to slam the door behind him as she did. "Of all people, I didn't think _she'd_ say something like that. Unbelievable…" He muttered before going back about his business and trying to cool down.

 **X-X-X**

"What meister do you want?" That had been the question Rin opened up with that evening in an attempt to start a conversation with Kazuki. It wasn't as if Kazuki's increased efforts made him any chattier during their training sessions, to Rin's dismay, but at least he still came to them…when Rin caught him just after his last cram school class.

"Dunno. Don't care. Doesn't matter," was all Kazuki said as he glared at the candle sitting in front of him.

"I know that you're not exactly planning on becoming an exorcist, but you could put at least a _little_ effort into your cram school classes." When his son didn't give him an answer, Rin frowned. "Do you even know what a meister is?"

"It's what a person is called when they're good at some certain exorcist…thing. I don't need to know them anyway. You people can just choose what I do for me, just like how you choose everything else."

"Not when you suck at _everything_ ~!" Kuroba sang from over in the batting cages.

"True. Not that meisters matter. I'm just here to burnthings," Kazuki spoke to both his roommate and his father as he glared at the candle.

"They want you to do more than _burn things_!" Rin snapped. It got a loud laugh from Kuroba just as he hit a ball. "Anyway, there has to be _one_ thing you think you'd be good at. Knight?"

"Only idiots fight demons head-on."

"Dragoon?"

Kazuki flinched. "I hate guns."

"Doctor?"

"You think the guy that wants to die is a good choice to _heal_ people?"

"Tamer?"

" _I hate demons_. Why would I _summon_ one?"

"Aria?"

"Yeah, fight a demon with _words_ and rely on my _memory_ to save me. I can't even remember things for _normal_ classes..."

Rin sighed and held a hand against his head, feeling a migraine coming on. "There's more to you than just your flames, you know."

"No, there's not. That's all anyone cares about when it comes to me. _'Learn to control your flames.' 'Use your flames to help us kill demons.'_ If I was some plain, unimpressive demon, you people probably wouldn't care so much about me trying to kill myself."

"Stop lumping me together with the rest of them!"

"Hey! Akumura! You could be a familiar!" Kuroba called from the batting cages once more, though he wasn't looking over at the father and son. "Just think about it: you'd only have to work when your tamer summons you! When you flunk out, _I_ could find it in my heart to make you my servant!"

"Fine. Whatever," Kazuki spoke flatly. "That's probably gonna be they're next step, anyway: I'm already their bitch. May as well make me their pet."

"That's _not_ fine! You're not someone's pet or their servant!" Rin snapped.

"Technically, he _is_. He's the property of the Vatican who can be thrown away the moment they deem him useless. I'm trying to be nice and give him a less stressful alternative to getting executed," Kuroba explained, "since they sure as hell won't let a potential threat walk around freely. Especially if he can harm people worse than he harms himself."

"Will you just SHUT UP?!" Rin exploded. The training area fell silent for a minute, save the sound of the ball machine constantly chuffing out tennis balls. Rin took a deep breath and sighed, the migraine reaching the peak of its pain. He bent over and ruffled Kazuki's hair playfully. "I won't let anyone harm you. So don't worry, okay?"

"Yeah, because you haven't let me down before," Kazuki spoke sarcastically.

Rin flinched from the comment and pulled his hand away from Kazuki, but he didn't push that topic any further. He changed the subject to, "The exwire promotion exam is gonna happen soon. Are you ready for it?"

"That depends: does it involve getting attacked by _more_ demons?" Rin said nothing. Kazuki huffed. "I'm surprised this place hasn't gotten sued yet for cruel and unusual treatment of students... Not that _I_ could do that even if it was an option. Like Kuroba said: I'm property. I don't have rights so I can't sue—just complain."

"But you complain _so_ well!" Kuroba added.

Rin shook his head, but held back whatever contradictory comment was beginning to form in his mind. "Look, you're gonna be forced to take part in the promotion exam whether you want to or not. The least you can do is take part in the training camp so you don't get seriously hurt."

Kazuki looked over his shoulder and grimaced. "Fukui-sensei told you I didn't want to do it, didn't she?"

"What makes you think that?"

"She's the only teacher obsessed with helping this year's _'problem student'_."

"Look, you're more likely to be left alone if you show that you've got control of your power while also showing how you aren't fit for the job."

"I can also be left alone if I'm dead or you people _literally_ leave me alone."

"Just take part in the training camp, do the test and…make it look like you're trying, would ya?" They both fell silent and Kazuki went back to glaring at the candle sitting in front of him. Rin sighed and crouched down next to his son. "Did I tell you how proud I am of you?"

"That won't make me want to join the training camp," Kazuki spoke flatly.

"I'm serious. I know how much you hate all of this and that you've practically been forced to do this, but I'm glad that you're being cooperative. And if you continue the hard work, I'm sure you'll get the hang of things soon." Rin patted Kazuki on the back and gave him a smile that, as expected, wasn't returned. They spent the rest of the training session in silence.

 **X-X-X**

The next day, Kazuki started off his anti-demon pharmacology class by slamming the form Shiemi had been forcing on him all week down on her podium. "There. _Satisfied_?" He muttered before slinking off to the very back of the classroom, where he usually sat with Kuroba, without a word to his teacher. The moment the class officially began—yet _another_ lecture on how to cure a wound from a particular kind of demon—Kazuki tuned it out in favor of doing some homework for his normal classes. If he was asked to answer a question or to do something, "I don't know" and "I can't" were Kazuki's automatic responses to every cram school teacher. Initially, he listened to learn anything that might kill a demon such as himself, but since he knew being more human than demon nerfed the killing power of anything he was taught to make, there was no point in listening to any of the cram school lectures. That entire section of his school day was practically study hall.

Kazuki only snapped back to attention when Shiemi spoke up, "Before we get ready to leave, I have a special announcement to make!" He really only cared about the first part of that sentence and began to pack away his things to move on to his next class. "As you know, our training camp in preparation for the exwire promotion exam will begin this evening. We'll be spending our time in a building on campus that is restricted to those affiliated with the cram school. Since not all of you will likely know this location, please take one of these map printouts of the academy that has it marked," Shiemi explained as she walked down the aisle of desks, giving campus maps with a spot circled in red.

"Ah! No way!" One of the girls—who was memorable for her faux tan and bleached blonde hair—raised a hand to get the teacher's attention. "Like, Fukui-sensei! The thing marked up on the map…that's that dilapidated dorm building, right?"

"She knows what dilapidated means?" Kuroba whispered more to himself than to Kazuki. "…Hm? Dilapidated dorm building?" He stared down at the map he had been given. "…This is _our_ dorm!" The brunette hissed. "This is the sort of thing you should be told _ahead_ of schedule!"

Kazuki glared down at the paper. "…Of course. Once again, they lie to get me to do something. These people are just the worst…!"

The roommates' complaints went unheard by the rest of the class. "Fukui-sensei! That sounds dangerous! Who's going to take the blame if my big brother gets hurt?!" Another girl exclaimed—short and delicate-looking with straight black hair. Sitting next to her was a young man roughly the same height with short dark hair and an apathetic expression, who didn't seem the least bit flustered by the news of where they'd been spending the next few days.

"Everybody says it's haunted and that they refuse to tear it down because all the construction workers who go to demolish it wind up _dead_!" Cried the blonde.

"You're an exorcist-in-training. You shouldn't be worried about a building that's haunted by demons," said a girl who was sitting alone at the other desk to the front and whose only distinguishing traits were her pair of thick-lensed glasses and the white streak that went down the middle of her black hair and made her look like a skunk.

"Shut it, Four-Eyes!"

Sitting at the other desk in the back row on the opposite side of Kazuki and Kuroba was a boy with short brown hair whose bangs hid his eyes. He quietly muttered something that sounded like, "This school will be the death of me…"

"Now, now! The dorm isn't unsafe at all! We always hold these training camps there. In fact, your classmates Okumura-kun and Tachibana-kun have been living there since the beginning of the term, so you can rest assured that it's safe!" Shiemi explained.

The other students began to stare at the roommates. After a moment of silence, the brother-lover mumbled, "Is that where the poor boys stay?" loud enough for everyone to hear. Kazuki and Kuroba glared at Shiemi, as if blaming her for the unwanted attention.

"Anyway…please remember be respectful to Okumura-kun and Tachibana-kun while you're staying there this week." The shrill ringing of the bell alerted the students to start heading to their next class. All of them but Kazuki and Kuroba, who continued to glare at Shiemi from their seats. "I hope you boys don't mind the minor intrusion," the blonde woman spoke softly to them, looking as apologetic as she could.

"My one sanctuary in this entire school is being invaded by the part of it I hate the most. Of course I mind," Kazuki grumbled before he got up and stormed out of the classroom.

 **X-X-X**

" _I just learned that my dorm is where it's taking place! You HAD to get me to join, didn't you?! You people are awful!"_ was the text message the fuming Kazuki sent his father on his way back to the dorm from cram school. He spent most of his time in his room seething over what had happened and what was _going_ to happen, and what he ought to do about it. But he wound up being unable to think of anything that didn't involve just locking them out and siccing Ouji on them, so he wasted time on his non-cram school homework. While he was in the middle of it, he got a response from Rin.

" _At least you won't feel left out of the fun."_ And he added a smiley face at the end, as if trying to make reviewing for an exorcist exam seem _fun_.

" _Your definition of fun is why you're more of a freak than I am."_

Rin's next message came seconds after Kazuki sent his own. _"You could make friends with your classmates if you tried."_

" _No way in hell. I know my classmates. There's not a single one I like out of that bunch and they don't like me. It's a dumb review for a dumb exam for a dumb job I don't even want. I could've just stayed up here and do nothing, but you forced me to join."_

" _How do you know they don't like you? And it's better to show that you're actually trying. Or at least pretend to try."_ Kazuki snorted at the message. His dad's idea was too stupid to work. Common sense said that showing how capable he was would only make the exorcists more eager to keep him. As he was thinking about that, another message from Rin came. _"Just be nice to your classmates and Shiemi-san. And try your best at your review. Be good.'_ The message ended with a heart symbol.

"What does he think this is, a sleepover?" Kazuki muttered to himself.

"Hey!" Kuroba shouted as he walked into the room. "We've got guests incoming. If I have to endure the torture of being a good host to those people, so do you." He grabbed Kazuki in a headlock and pulled him out from behind the desk.

"If you're gonna force me to do something, at least do it in a way that doesn't hurt my neck…!" Kazuki grumbled as he was pulled out of the room and down the stairs to the front door.

The brunette smirked. "Pain is one of the best motivators." A knock on the door made him sigh and frown. "Time to face the music." He opened the door to see the smiling face of Shiemi and the less than ecstatic expressions of their classmates. "Good evening, Fukui-sensei." He put the squeeze on Kazuki's neck to prompt him to answer.

"Good evening," the quarter-demon muttered before Kuroba allowed him to stand upright.

"Good evening, boys," Shiemi greeted as she stepped inside along with her students. "You see, everyone? It isn't as bad as it seems."

"Well, at least the _interior_ isn't as bad as the _exterior_ ," said the dark-haired sister.

"This place, like, _reeks_ of the destitute," said the blonde girl. "So, uh…where's everybody else?"

"First of all," Kuroba began, "we're not destitute. We're frugal. Secondly, we _are_ everyone."

"You've got an entire building to yourselves?! If this place didn't look like a haunted house, I'd be _envious_ of you two!"

"Alright, everyone. Why don't you get settled into some empty rooms first? Then you can come downstairs and do your review sheets," said Shiemi.

"I hope the rooms are at least clean," said the skunk-haired girl as the students climbed the stairs.

"Oh, Kazuki-kun!" Kazuki stopped on the stairs as Shiemi called his name. He turned around to look at his teacher as the other teens disappeared upstairs. "I wanted to tell you how happy I am that you changed your mind about participating in the review," the blonde woman said with a smile.

"I was forced to. Because _you_ told my dad I didn't wanna do the review."

"I told him because I'm concerned about your grades. You can't pass your exwire exam with just brute force. You're required to know things if you want to be an exorcist."

"But I _don't_ want to be an exorcist."

Shiemi sighed and folded her hands together. "I understand, but you—"

"No, you _don't_ understand. _I_ want nothing to do with demons or exorcists or anything related to them. I really don't care if I pass or not, so I don't need your concern." He didn't wait long enough for Shiemi to respond before he went upstairs to get his things.

 **X-X-X**

The following day at cram school, Shiemi stood before her class holding up the several sheets of paper. "Alright, everyone! Before we begin class, I'd like to turn over the sheets for last night's review. When I call your name, I'd like you to come up and take your review," All of the students couldn't help groaning at the mention of the review. "Now, now… The review isn't a graded assignment, so even if you happened to get a grade you didn't like, take it as a sign that this is something you need to study more. Besides, most of you did very well." As if wanting to insinuate something, Shiemi looked in Kazuki's direction before she started to call out names. "Noriko Amano." The dark-haired sister got up and headed to the front of the class to take her sheet. "Kojiro Amano…" Her brother followed in suit. "Todo… Honda… Shima…" The skunk-haired girl, the tanned blonde and the barely noticeable brunette went up one at a time, their expressions at their grade ranging from satisfied to apathetic to disheartened. "Hanamura… Okumura…" Kazuki passed by Kuroba on his way to the front of the class. He grabbed the paper Shiemi held, but she wouldn't let it go. She leaned forward and whispered, "I want to talk to you tonight." The quarter-demon scoffed. " _I'm serious_." She then let the paper go and allowed Kazuki to go back to his desk. "Now then, to continue the lecture we had yesterday that was cut short…"

Kazuki plopped down in his seat and began answering questions for his math homework, his review sheet sitting off to the side. Kuroba looked down at it and snickered. "Oh, wow. A _zero_. You didn't even try to _pretend_ like you knew this stuff, did you?" Kazuki didn't respond and kept doing his homework. "She wouldn't accept a blank sheet, so you just wrote down _'I don't know'_ for every answer. You're so awful…" The brunette stared at the message next to Kazuki's grade that said _'I'd like to have a word with you at some point.'_ "Oooh, you actually managed to piss her off! I knew she had a limit. _No one_ can be so nice all the time."

"Obviously," Kazuki muttered before he succeeded in tuning everything out for the rest of the cram school period.

 **X-X-X**

The moment cram school was over for the day, Kazuki made a beeline for the old boys' dorm so he could gather provisions and spend the night locked in his room. To his disappointment, he bumped into Shiemi when he was partway there—quite literally _bumped_ into her and almost made her drop her things. "Sorry, Fukui-sensei," he spoke quickly and tried to escape potential lecturing, but Shiemi seemed to purposely step into his path in her attempt to steady herself.

"Oh, Kazuki-kun! You don't have to call me that. It's not like we're in cram school right now." True, she wasn't dressed in her usual exorcist uniform or casual kimono, but the sort of outfit an ordinary woman would wear. She looked like a typical housewife coming home from grocery shopping. The bags she was carrying were bulging with foodstuffs. "You're just in time to help me with these!"

"Um… Okay?" He answered, sounding unsure. They weren't on good terms, so was there a big chance that this was a trap? "Lead the way to your house, then."

"Oh, these aren't for home. They're for the students!" Shiemi's response made Kazuki give her a look of confusion. "I figured that they would feel better and do better on their reviews if they had a good meal. You would know that if you actually stayed to listen to what I had to say instead of running out at the sound of the bell." Shiemi was smiling, but there was an edge to that last sentence the teacher said. Kazuki didn't look the least bit ashamed or afraid, though. "But really, I'm mostly doing this for you and Kuroba-kun. When was the last time you had a nice home-cooked meal?"

"Every day my dad comes to visit. Which _is_ practically almost every day." Speaking of his dad, even though Rin said he wouldn't be coming around during the whole review camp affair, he still left more than enough food for Kazuki and Kuroba to survive a week without him. At this point, Kazuki wasn't sure if his dad was still unconvinced that he'd long given up on death by starvation or if this was another dumb attempt at bonding with food.

"Oh." Shiemi looked a bit disappointed, but she soon brightened up. "Well! No matter! I can still cook for you to make up for invading your personal privacy!"

"I'm used to you people not caring about my rights by now." And what was it with her and his dad thinking that giving food made everything okay?

"Anyway, eating dinner together is one of the fastest ways to become friends. Comradery is also a necessity in the field of exorcism. That's why I'd like all of my students to get along with each other better than they do now. That includes you, too."

"That's kind, but unnecessary, Fukui-sensei," Kazuki spoke flatly. "I don't—"

"Please, don't call me that outside of class," Shiemi interrupted him. "Anyway, if you could please help me…?"

And so, Kazuki wound up helping Shiemi carry her groceries to the dorm—because it felt like she wouldn't leave him alone until he did. Along the way, it was mostly _her_ talking about dinner: what she was thinking of making, what she decided _not_ to make, her hopes that she would make something everyone would like. The whole way back, Kazuki thought about how he really didn't want to eat at the same table as any of them.

"I was thinking of making a hotpot for dinner. Would you eat that?" The blonde woman asked as Kazuki opened the doors of the dorm and stepped aside to let her go in first.

"Do I have a choice to not eat anything at all?"

Shiemi frowned. "No."

"Knew it… Fine, I'll eat it."

"Really?!" Shiemi's eyes lit up in an almost childish way before he beamed. "Oh, I'm so happy you're agreeing to this! I'm sure everyone will get along just fine!"

Kazuki followed her to the kitchen, wondering if she forgot about the little talk she'd been so adamant about having with him. Once Shiemi's back had been turned, he ran out of the mess hall and headed upstairs to his room, locking the door behind him. He agreed to a review, not a dinner party.

 **X-X-X**

Kazuki preoccupied himself with studying for about two hours before his stomach began to growl. He was so focused on getting away from Shiemi that he forgot to grab some food to hold him over for the night. The people downstairs, though, posed a problem. He didn't want to risk getting involved in another monstrous review or getting dragged into their company. The quarter-demon glared out of the window in thought for a few seconds before he remembered the inugami sitting on his bed. "Ouji! Listen up!" Kazuki barked, getting his dog's attention. "I need you to get some food for me from the kitchen downstairs. Can you do that?" Ouji cocked his head to the side before jumping off of the bed and phasing through the front door. Kazuki smiled. "If there's one trustworthy person in this world, it's my dog."

Within minutes, Kazuki heard a scratching at his door. He answered it and stared in utter confusion at who was standing out in the hall: that little sister from his class. What was her name? Damn it, now he'd have to remember the _names_ for these people… Noriko Something-or-other? She was holding a box of crackers out to him, but the pair of transparent dog ears on her head held the quarter-demon's attention.

" _Ouji_! You had to possess somebody just to get me _crackers_?! You may as well have gotten me some butter to spread on these!" Ouji made to turn around—probably to get the butter Kazuki mentioned—but the boy grabbed Noriko's arm and stopped him. "Hold it! Crackers alone are fine…" He took out a rice cracker and munched on it. Ouji appeared to be looking hungrily at him—which made Noriko Amano look a bit foolish. "You want some? Get outta her then." Kazuki supposed he would have to apologize for Ouji suddenly forcing himself into her.

Black smoke flew out of Noriko's mouth and formed into the inugami, who sat at Kazuki's feet. The short girl seemed to be in a bit of a daze at first, but she recovered quickly enough. "Huh? What?" Her expression of confusion became one of anger when she saw Kazuki. " _You_!"

"Sorry. My dog thought the best way to get food was to highjack someone's body. No harm done." He didn't really _sound_ apologetic with his flat tone, though.

"You… _cretin_!"

"Cretin?" Kazuki didn't have time to question her choice of words because Noriko punched him in the face and broke his nose in the process. "SON OF A BITCH!" He dropped the box of crackers to hold onto his bloody nose as Noriko stormed off, while blood dribbled down his face and onto his clothes and the floor. "I _said_ I was sorry…!" He did his best to glare down at Ouji. "This is _your_ fault. Go get me some toilet paper or napkins—something for the blood." He was more concerned with the blood staining the floor and his face since his nose would heal soon. But he didn't want to risk confronting those bastards downstairs and being accosted with questions, because he _knew_ that brother-lover would complain about him to everyone in the damn place. As a precaution, Kazuki shut the door and locked it once more.

Ouji left the room without a word, but a minute hadn't even passed when the inugami returned without any papers. Before Kazuki could ask why he was back so soon, there came a knock at the door. "Kazuki-kun?" The muffled, but still recognizably concerned voice of Shiemi spoke. "Are you okay?" The quarter-demon didn't respond, but Shiemi continued speaking, "Amano-san said that she saw you bleeding when she left you and I feared the worst."

"It's okay. I'm gonna heal on my own anyway."

"But I'd still like to tend to you and make sure you're okay if you don't mind."

Kazuki slammed his free hand against the door. "I _do_ mind!I'm _fine_ , so just leave me alone!" He didn't hear a response from Shiemi, which he assumed meant that she had given up and gone back to the other students. He almost breathed a sigh of relief before his door was suddenly kicked open and he was hit in the face.

 **X-X-X**

"Once again, I am _so_ sorry, dear."

"Ow. Don't call me that." Kazuki had found himself sitting on his bed next to Shiemi while the teacher inspected his nose and Ouji sat at his feet. "You're worrying for no good reason."

"I am not. I could tell you about some of the times your father broke something and it healed in a wrong position. He'd always had to break them again so they could be set and heal properly. That and…I didn't like the thought of you bleeding out."

"No one dies of a broken nose."

"How do _you_ know?"

"How do _you_? Mrs. Kick-The-Door-Down?"

Shiemi lightly pinched the temple of Kazuki's nose and he flinched from the minor pain. He didn't know if she did that for medical reasons or because of his rude comment. "I kicked it _open_ for your safety because I am your teacher and you, my student, are my responsibility."

They then stared at each other in silence for what felt like a solid minute before Kazuki scooted away from her and said, "Then go be responsible for your _other_ students. The ones who actually wanna be here."

The blonde woman gave him a look of concern. "Kazuki-kun… You don't have to hide from us, you know. We're not going to bite you."

" _I_ 'll bite _you_."

"No, you wouldn't. You're sweet. Like your father." The mention of _him_ made Kazuki twitch, but it went unnoticed by Shiemi. "Anyway, you're more than welcome to come downstairs. I mean _you're_ living here. The rest of us are only guests."

"No thanks. I'm comfortable up here. I have Ouji for company."

"A dog isn't proper company." Ouji made a low growl that reminded Shiemi of his presence. "Not that yours is a mere dog... But you need to interact with other _human beings_."

"I'm not human. And if I wanted to make friends with humans, it wouldn't be with any of youpeople.

"And by that you mean…?"

"People who willingly want to tangle with demons as opposed to _sane and normal_ people who _don't_ , and who force people to enter _their_ job when they obviously don't _want_ to and refuse to lis—" Kazuki was stopped in mid-rant when Shiemi grabbed his arm and began to drag him out of the room with strength unbefitting a delicate-looking woman. "Hey! Lemme go!"

"You won't learn who you can and can't get along with by staying cooped up in your room."

"I don't _want_ to get along!"

"You also have to do tonight's review sheet. You're the only one who hasn't done it yet."

"I don't _want_ to do the review! I want you people to leave me the hell alone!"

"It's not about what you want, Kazuki-kun. It's about what you need."

Shiemi continued to drag Kazuki along, leaving behind a whimpering Ouji.

 **X-X-X**

Later that evening, as the students gathered to have dinner in the old dorm's mess hall…

"Oh, it's the dog pervert. Who're you gonna possess now, _Akumura_?" The tanned blonde—Honda—said with a smirk.

"I don't even want to sit in the same _room_ as this degenerate! Let alone at the same _table_!" The brother-lover—Noriko Amano—snapped as she pointed a finger at Kazuki.

"Fukui-sensei, don't you remember what he did last night? He should be _punished_ , not allowed to sit with us!" Said the sister-lover—her brother Kojiro Amano.

"I agree. Anyone who misuses their familiar in such a way should be expelled from cram school," said the skunk-haired girl—Todo.

Shima—surprisingly the only other classmate whose name Kazuki could recall despite his inability to stick out—said nothing against nor in defense of Kazuki and continued to sit down at the table. Nor was Kuroba, who had already sat down at the table and was preparing to eat. Then again, Kazuki wasn't going to defend himself, so why should _they_?

Kazuki made to quietly leave the mess hall, but Shiemi grabbed his arm and pulled him back over to the table to face his judging classmates. "Now, class! If you can't get along with your classmates, how will you be able to get along with your future comrades in exorcism?"

"I don't want to get along with _or_ be comrades with someone like _him_!" Noriko exclaimed.

"Okumura-kun said he was sorry about what his familiar did to you, Amano-kun. It was only trying to get food for him. Neither one of them intended to do anything…obscene to you."

"I was _possessed_! That was obscene enough!"

"Now will you just give up?" Kazuki began. "They don't have to learn to get along with me because I'm not gonna be here for long. I'll just eat alone in my room, like I wanted to all along."

The blonde teacher narrowed her eyes and began to generate an intimidating aura. "Alright! If you all refuse to try and get along the _nice_ way, all seven of you can learn your lesson the _hard_ way!"

 **X-X-X**

Several minutes later in the dorm's lounge, the seven cram school students—including Kazuki—were kneeling on the floor with their faces contorted in pain. On each of their laps was a big gray rock the size of a head. They even had unpleasant-looking faces that _also_ seemed to be contorted in pain. They were bariyon—a sort of demon that became heavier and heavier the longer they were on a person. This was their punishment: to endure the increasing weight of the baryon until Shiemi was finished making dinner and they were ready to play nice with one another.

"Y-you idiots just couldn't get along with one another. You _had_ to push the issue. And now we're all gonna be sore tomorrow," said Honda with a frown.

"Weren't _you_ the one who called him a dog pervert and _Akumura_?" Kuroba asked, sounding irritated. "By the way, that's _my_ name for him, you idiot…!"

"Th-that was just teasing! _Friendly_ teasing! If anyone's to blame, it's Bro and Sis and Specs!"

"Excuse me, you bimbo?!" Noriko shouted. "If anyone's to blame, it's the pervert who started this in the first place! Him and that dumb dog of his!" She leaned over the bariyon on her lap as best as she could to shoot a glare at Kazuki. "Do you hear that?! _Your_ fault! This is _your_ fault!"

Kazuki sat in the middle of the line of students—all the other boys were on his left while all the girls were to his right. He said nothing to Noriko and continued to glare at the ground. Take it easy on Shiemi-san, his father said. _Bullshit_. She obviously wasn't taking it easy on _him_! He didn't even want to be a part of this good-for-nothing training camp and here he was, being punished cooperating! How was something like this supposed to make them get along anyway? Seemed more like it would make them all hate each other—or rather, hate _him_.

"He's not gonna listen to your whining, Brother Lover," said Kuroba. "In fact, he has a good idea. If we just sit here whining, Fukui-sensei won't think we're being all thoughtful about our poor behavior. So it's probably best that we all shut up so she's satisfied."

And so, they all fell silent, but the air surrounding the teens was still very tense since most of the students were glaring at Kazuki. Even after Shiemi came to get them so they could all have dinner together, though they didn't argue, they didn't speak to each other, either. Like the saying goes, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Their resounding silence just meant they didn't want to talk to each other at all. Or maybe they were too sore from the weight of the bariyons to put effort into eating _and_ talking. Whatever the case, Shiemi's attempt at getting her students to bond was more disaster than success and Kazuki went to bed feeling more miserable than he had been in a long time.

 **X-X-X**

To say that Rin had been nervous from the day the pages' training camp began felt like an understatement. After several days of written exams in the guise of reviews, the physical exam would take place that evening. Mephisto hadn't allowed him to be in on the exam, saying they already had someone on call to take care of Kazuki should he lose control. Apparently the Vatican, eager to prevent any accidents, sent an exorcist that they believed was more than capable of restraining him for a worst-case scenario. Once again, no one seemed to care if Rin was even offended at the unspoken insinuation that he wasn't capable of handling his own kid or worried about the idea of some potential madman seriously harming him more than whatever demon Mephisto had planned.

He tried to calm himself down by asking Kazuki things about his birthday later in June. It was all via text message of course because that seemed to be the only way Kazuki was willing to communicate with his father. Of course, his son's responses were usually something like "I don't want to have a birthday ever again" or "stop talking to me", but Rin ignored it. Things would almost be the way they were last summer, before all the unfortunate events that kicked everything off happened, as soon as the promotion exam was over.

And then he received a call while he was at home that evening that pushed that happy thought out of his mind.

" _Rin! Good evening!"_ It turned out to be Shiemi.

"Oh, Shiemi! How are you doing? Has the exam started yet? Do you know what's been planned?" The questions came out of Rin's mouth before he could stop them.

" _Um… I'm fine. The exam hasn't started yet, but I don't really know what Sir Pheles has planned… A-anyway, I was wondering if Kazuki-kun was perhaps at your house."_

The question made Rin arch an eyebrow in confusion. "What? No." Kazuki hadn't been there since he moved out. "Why are you asking?"

" _Oh, um…he isn't here yet. I looked through the entire dorm and the campus and I haven't been able to find him or Kuroba. They didn't come to class today, either."_

"WHAT?! How could you—?!"

" _C-calm down! I'll start looking for them. But if I can't bring them back to the dorm before the exam begins, Kazuki-kun certainly has no chance of passing!"_

"Okay. I'll call him and tell him to get his butt over to the dorm."

" _Okay. Thank you, Rin."_

The moment Rin hung up, he started grumbling to himself. "Stupid boy…! What the hell is he thinking?! Even if he didn't know the exam was tonight, what the _hell_ is he doing skipping his classes?" He complained as he dialed Kazuki's phone number and waited for the ringing to stop. The moment it did, he started screaming, "WHAT ON _EARTH_ ARE DOING SKIPPING CLASS?! YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS BACK THERE, OR ELSE I'LL FIND YOU AND—!" The sudden beep of the beginning of a voicemail recording made Rin stop in midsentence. "…Kazuki, I _know_ you skipped cram school, I _know_ you're not at the dorm right now, and I know you're sure as hell gonna go back to the dorm and apologize to Shiemi-san for doing this." Just as soon as Rin hung up, he dialed Kazuki's number once again. It went to voicemail once more. He kept redialing the number, but convinced himself that Kazuki was avoiding having to listen to his voice. Rin wound up texting messages to Kazuki telling him to go back to the dorm, with more than half asking the boy to text or call or give some sign that he was alright.

Almost an hour passed and Rin's worry intensified. It got worse when Shiemi called to say the exam was starting and that she still hadn't seen Kazuki or Kuroba. Rin hoped the next person who called him would be Kazuki, so he could lay into him for scaring him so much. Instead, it turned out to be Mephisto. _"I've heard that we've lost a certain someone…"_

 **X-X-X**

"…and sometimes afterschool, we'd go to this café and eat desserts before going home, even though it's the kind of thing Dad always complains about because it _'spoils your appetite'_. He never knew, though. It was like a place for the two of us to enjoy. …I'm talking too much about my mom, aren't I?"

"Well, it _has_ almost been a half-hour since you started and I regret asking about her."

Kazuki and Kuroba sat on a pair of swings that were side by side in a children's park. It was dark, but their slightly red faces and the pair of cans bearing the trademark logo of True Cross Town's local beer showed what their condition was. The only person around to see all of this was Ouji, who somehow managed to look disappointed despite his dog-faced features.

"You're the one who stole beer and said drinking it would make me feel better!" Kazuki suddenly snapped. "All it did was make me sick and remember just how much better things used to be for me!" He then took another sip of beer, which got him a look of skepticism from his handler.

"They say drinking just lowers your inhibitions. I wanted to see if I could get some laughs from you being truthful, but right now, I'm just jealous no one ever took _me_ to eat dessert before dinner…" Kuroba muttered before taking another sip as well. "And you _can_ stop drinking if you don't like it."

"The delinquency train has long been in motion! I won't stop until I violently derail or somebody stops me!" The demi-demon spoke before throwing his head back and forcing himself to drink more beer.

"If _'violently derail'_ is just another word for _'throw up'_ , I ain't cleaning your puke again. You'll sleep in your vomit like most drunks…" Kuroba stared at his can for a few seconds before looking at his roommate once more, "Alright, next question: do you really hate your father?"

Kazuki choked on his beer and wound up dropping the can as he tried to regain control of himself. "Of all the dumbass things you choose to ask me, it's _that_?!" He coughed out as he pounded his chest.

"I'm just saying if you really hated him, you'd have given him a glass of high-concentration holy water and said it was a nice refreshing drink. That's what _I'd_ do."

"Like that would kill him! That man's like a cockroach—he'd probably survive a nuclear war after getting his head knocked off and losing all his limbs and senses! And I hate what he is. He's a superhuman, half-human man whose job involves messing around with demons who makes fire and is the son of Satan to boot. Nothing he does will make him like a normal human being, so I can't stand when he makes it sound like he is or that I can be like him. He's a nice person and a good dad, but that doesn't make up for how much being i _nhuman_ has made my life miserable."

"Uh-huh…"

"Honestly, he'd be much better off if he had a son who was like him. A kid who was interested in this demon-and-exorcists bullcrap and wanted to associate with people like him instead of normal people. Or if he could just say, _'go ahead and kill him, I don't care what happens to him because he's an awful excuse of a human being'_ or something like that instead of trying to force me to fit into all of this, we'd all be much happier. I just…don't fit into the same world that he does. I don't _want_ to. I want to be someone like Mom, who can live normally despite all of the weird stuff, not _part_ of the weird stuff! I want…I want Mom back!" Kazuki suddenly started to bawl.

Kuroba rolled his eyes and looked away. "Geez, this is the second time you decide to break out crying like a baby. Maybe I should call you a mama's boy instead of _'Akumura'_ …"

"Shut up! My inhibitions are lowered! By the way, you have to tell me something embarrassing, too!"

"Why?"

"This is supposed to be bonding, damn it!" That was the excuse, but really, he just wanted to know he wasn't the only one opening up and looking like a loser. They already played hooky and spent the afternoon and evening going about True Cross Town, browsing through shops and trying to act like normal teenaged boys. If they were going to get drunk like delinquents, they may as well try to come to an understanding of one another.

"Okay. I pity you."

"How's that embarrassing?!"

"It's embarrassing because it's not something that happens often. I pity you. I sympathize with you. It sucks when you get sucked into a situation you don't like because of your family. When you're forced to do things you don't want to do because people want to use you. When no one seems to care about your opinion and assume they know what's best for you," Kuroba muttered as he glared out into space. "Adults just _suck_."

"Yeah, adults suck! Especially the adults that are exorcists!"

Silence fell in the park. Kazuki beckoned Ouji and began petting and stroking the inugami while Kuroba continued to drink and stare out into space. After a minute, the brunette spoke up, "I'd put you out of your misery if I could."

"Huh?" Kazuki didn't bother looking away from Ouji as he picked up the spilled can of beer. He dangled it in front of the inugami's face as if trying to entice him to get it, but all Ouji did was sniff the can. "You hate me that much, huh?"

"A logical answer would be: _'because people like you attract more demons into Assiah with your weakness'_. But like I said, I pity you. If you really wanna die, I'd do it in a heartbeat so you wouldn't go through more suffering. But if I did that, Faust would literally kill me. I don't care about dying as much as I care about what's gonna happen after I die. It's…complicated."

"…I think I understand. Thank you for your mercy killing, then."

"By the way, there's a policeman coming at us right now. Should we run away now?"

"Can't run. My legs feel weak."

"Well, fuck. I guess that puts an end to being like normal teenagers…" Kuroba muttered a minute before a policeman came over and shined a ray of light into their faces with a flashlight.


	5. Second Chances are Hard (And Unwanted)

**Finally! I've had this finished for a while, but I wanted to post it alongside some other chapters from different stories, and real life stuff like classes, illness, summer vacation and sheer procrastination got in the way. Still, this is the second to last chapter of this story, and the next one should be short and sweet…hopefully.**

 _Disclaimer: Blu Rose doesn't own the Blue Exorcist series. Only this fic._

Summary: Kazuki's hopes of being executed are shot down when he's allowed to take a _'make up exam'_ to determine his fate. What he does in response isn't exactly expected or well-received.

 **X-X-X**

 **Part 5: Second Chances are Hard (And Unwanted)**

The following morning, Rin stood in Mephisto's office. The principal of True Cross Academy sat behind his desk with his fingers bridged together. "I'm sure you know why I called you here. Your son and his roommate were brought back some time last night and have been under house arrest since the end of the pages' exam."

Rin's look of relief quickly became one of anger. "What?! Why the hell wasn't I told sooner?!" He had been worried out of his skull last night, thinking something bad had happened, dreaming of all the awful possibilities when Kazuki was safe and sound all this time. He didn't know who he was angrier at for not saying anything: Mephisto or Kazuki.

"They should be arriving any moment now. Don't be surprised if they act a bit…off. It seems they had a bit of _fun_ last night."

"That doesn't answer my question! And what do you mean by _'off'_?! What happened last night?!" Rin's questions went unanswered as the door to the office opened. Kazuki and Kuroba entered the room slowly, looking wary.

"GOOD MORNING, GENTLEMEN!" Mephisto exclaimed. In response, the two boys flinched and stopped walking for a moment to hold onto their heads. "I trust you've had a good night's rest after your day of hooky. Come, come! Have a seat!" He gestured to the pair of chairs that stood in front of his desk. They wordlessly moved towards the chairs, Kazuki sitting in the seat farthest from Rin. Before his father could say anything, the principal spoke up, "YOU MAY NOT KNOW!" He spoke loudly on purpose, causing both boys to flinch once more. "But last night, your fellow pages took the exam to become exwires. Which means that by missing it, you two failed."

"Ugh, it's one blow after another," Kuroba muttered.

Rin walked over to Kazuki and gripped his shoulder tightly. "You see that? Of all the times for you to start acting like a delinquent, you choose _now_? Knowing what's at risk?!"

"Will you please shut up…?" Kazuki mumbled weakly.

"Excuse me?! Do you have any idea what's going to happen to you now?!"

"I'm going to be killed, thank goodness."

"Don't make it sound like it's a mercy! This is serious business!"

"Oh, yes. Why, an exorcist from the Roman branch sent directly by the Vatican will have surely told them about your absence from the exam," Mephisto added. "However, I will be attempting to defuse the situation."

For the first time since entering, Kazuki looked genuinely worried. "Huh? No, don't do that. I'd be a shit exorcist. I _deserve_ to die."

"Oh, on the contrary, Okumura-kun," the purple-haired demon began as he leaned across his desk, "I believe death is the _last_ thing that you deserve. Which is why I'll be asking them to allow you a second chance at cram school."

"…But that's not fair. I'm no good to you people. I can't fight demons or follow orders. Do you just wanna torture me for the rest of my life? I just wanna die, so why won't you…?" The quarter-demon asked, his voice cracking in the process.

Rin felt his anger fade away and he began rubbing Kazuki's shoulder. "Calm down. This is a _good_ thing." Hopefully. Heaven knows if this little stunt would actually put his head on the chopping block or if Mephisto wouldn't place him in some tough spot,

Mephisto ignored the small breakdown Kazuki seemed to be going through as he hyperventilated. "Till you receive news of your fate, I recommend that you make the most of your summer indoors. _Both_ of you." His eyes fell on Kuroba, who simply looked away from the headmaster.

Kazuki shrugged Rin's hand off of his shoulder, got up out of the chair, and quickly walked out of the room. Kuroba stood up shortly afterwards. "Uh, thank you for your mercy. I'll make sure he doesn't kill himself until the date of his execution," the brunette said with a nod before walking out of the room.

"Both of those kids are just…!" Rin groaned and turned to leave, intending to follow the boys back to the dorm.

 **X-X-X**

Upon returning to the dorm, Kuroba made a beeline for the bathroom, his face looking slightly green as he quickly muttered something to Kazuki that wasn't comprehendible in the slightest. The quarter-demon barely blinked before he went upstairs into the room they shared and laid down on his bed. Seconds later, Ouji crawled out from under the bed and sat down in Kazuki's view, as if expecting something for his appearance. Kazuki reached down and patted the inugami on the head before letting his arm dangle to the floor. "Adults _suck_ , Ouji," was all he said before burying his face into his pillow. He heard the door open and footsteps, so assuming it was Kuroba, he spoke, "Adults suck, Kuroba."

"Teenagers are hardly the greatest, either." Kazuki rolled over onto his side and found himself staring at Rin. His father stood nearby with his arms folded across his chest and an annoyed expression on his face.

"What are you doing here? Don't you have a life?" Kazuki grumbled as he rolled over, turning his back to his father.

Rin narrowed his eyes. "I'm your father. You're _part_ of my life!"

"I won't be any longer. Then you can move on. You'll be able to focus on your work, eat at your house, and maybe even find another woman to spend the rest of your days with. I suggest someone from your line of work this time."

"This isn't a joke! Your life's at risk!" Rin's shouting caused Kazuki to wince and hold onto his head in pain. "So stop trying to play this off as a good thing!"

"I understand why you're angry."

"I don't think you do!"

"It's because you're worried about what everyone's going to say about you after this, right? People'll say 'The great exorcist Rin Okumura must be a shitty dad because of what a failure his son turned out to be' or something like that."

"I don't care about nonsense like that! And I don't think you're a failure! When have I—?!"

"Of course I'm a failure. I'm a failure because I'm a square peg that everyone wants to fit into a round hole. I have a saint for a dad. I got to go to a fancy school that mostly rich kids get to go to. I was basically put in a secret school to be a monster hunter. But I hate my dad more than I feel sorry for him, I hate this school, and I don't want to go around fighting monsters. I don't belong here and I don't _want_ to belong. And if I don't belong in a place like this…there isn't a point in existing anymore."

It took a few seconds for Rin to register everything wrong with Kazuki's statements. Then his face took on an exasperated expression as he snapped, "For goodness sakes, you're _15 years old_! Stop acting like you've got nothing to live for! What about your family? What about _me_?! I can't bear the thought of losing you, much less for something as stupid as missing a test! Don't you think you should consider _my_ feelings before saying things like that?!"

"Once again, you're showing that you don't care if _I'm_ happy. You just want me alive to make yourself feel better, don't you?" Kazuki rolled over once more to give his father a listless look. "I'm sorry, but I can't be the person you want me to be. You can always get married to someone and have another kid that'll be more like you."

By this point, a very obvious vein had been throbbing on Rin's forehead for a while. "I don't _want_ another child! I want _you_!" The half-demon snapped, immediately silencing his wincing son. "I want to see you grow up and live a happy life pursuing whatever you want!" The boy somehow found it in him to close his eyes and ignore the pain as his father continued shouting, "And I don't care what dumb excuse you come up with, I wouldn't think of your death as something to be celebrating! And you're _not_ a failure! You're just not fit for a job like this as you are! It doesn't mean you aren't good at _something_! But you won't know what that is if you give up so eas…ily…" Rin trailed off as he noticed that Kazuki was beginning to snore. The half-demon took a deep breath and sighed before giving his sleeping son a vexed look. "Really. What the hell did you do last night?" He moved over to his son's bed and managed to easily scoop Kazuki up without waking him. While cradling Kazuki with one arm, Rin adjusted the bedsheets so he could slip Kazuki underneath them. After a few seconds, Rin snorted and folded his arms across his chest. "I really shouldn't be so nice to you…" He turned around to leave and almost bumped into Kuroba in the process.

"If you're gonna lecture him, could you keep it down to an angry whisper? My poor head can't take anymore yelling," Kuroba told the man.

Rin glared at the brunette. "What did you do to my son?!"

"Why does it have to be _me_? Why can't you think that your son is capable of delinquent acts on his own?" The teenager asked as he walked over to his bed and laid down to rest. "For your information, we ate some bad food last night and got sick." Kuroba stared at the older man for a few seconds before stating, "Besides, he wouldn't have passed. If you knew how poorly he did in class, you'd know he's a lost cause."

Rin wished he could've said Kazuki would've been able to pass, but he wouldn't even be able to fool himself. Even if Kazuki had tried and Rin pushed him harder, how would a boy like him react to a confrontation with a demon that, for all he knew, was the real deal? In every possibility that came to Rin's mind, Kazuki was either focused on getting killed or too scared to do anything.

"Just come to terms with the fact that your son's gonna die. He'll be better off dead, anyway. Right now, everyone's got a say in how his life goes but him, and they expect him to want to be like a hero or something despite that. At least in death, he won't have to bother with such things."

Despite there being a whole string of things Rin wanted to say, he found himself leaving the dorm quietly and without a fuss. Instead of sticking around the campus or heading off to work, he decided to go home. The moment he left the dorm, it was as if a switch had been flicked. No, more like something finally gave away as Rin's eyes teared up. He wiped away the tears and sniffed before a more determined expression appeared on his face. He couldn't just let things end like this. He wouldn't.

 **X-X-X**

The following morning, on the True Cross Academy Campus, Kazuki laid in his bed, wide awake and hugging Ouji tightly. The boy and his inugami stared at each other silently for several minutes until Ouji licked Kazuki's face. The familiar cold, dry sensation that felt like being hit by a cold breeze didn't get much of a stimulation from Ouji's master, who kept staring at him thoughtfully. It made the inugami stop and resume just staring at the boy.

"…You understand, right?" Kazuki asked his inugami. "When I die, you'll finally be able to get some peace and move on. Won't that be nice?" Ouji shook his head. "What's the matter? Are you afraid of crossing over? Just look at it this way: you'd probably get to see Mom. At least, I _think_ you will. I don't see any reason why dogs can't go to the same place as humans when they die. You're probably more likely to see her, anyway. I'm probably gonna go to hell for being a shitty son or something…" The inugami made a whining noise and Kazuki shoved him off the bed. Ouji landed on the floor without barking a complaint. "What is your deal? This is supposed to be a good thing, but you and Dad act like it's so awful. Be happy for me! Be happy for yourselves! We're all gonna be so much happier when I'm dead!"

"Now I know you can't be this stupid," Kuroba spoke from his bed, drawing his roommate's attention. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his hair and clothes a mess. "For reasons I can't wrap my head around, they love you and they'd be sad if you died. And despite that, I'd feel just as bad if you were forced to continue living as they expect you to with your mindset. Geez, I _really_ pity you. You've got guilt trips in the form of loved ones on one side telling you to live for their sake and a nightmare of a job on the other side that'd compel a person of weak constitution like yourself to just give up."

Kazuki sat up and glared at his roommate. "What guilt trip?"

"Whether they intended to do it or not, you can't deny your feelings of guilt. Why else would you be telling your father and your dog how they'd benefit from your dying, rather than just not caring what they thought of it?"

"To make them feel better, of course!"

"And when _they_ felt better about it, _you'd_ feel better, too?"

The look of hostility Kazuki was giving Kuroba intensified. " _Shut up_. Who do you think you are?! I don't need to care about how they feel! I just don't want them to try and stop this from happening!"

Before any more could be said between the two boys, the door was kicked open, making them both jump and look its way. Rin entered the room, his teeth bared. His eyes fell on Kazuki and narrowed in anger. " _You_!" He shouted as he pointed a finger at his son. "Bathe and get dressed! I'm gonna train your ass so hard it's gonna _fall off_!"

"Wh-what are you talking about? I failed the exam, remember? I don't have to train anymo—" Kazuki's statement was cut short by a harsh glare from his father.

"Oh, yes, you _do_! _Miraculously_ , you've been allowed a second chance to go to cram school!" Rin said as he pointed a finger at Kazuki. "Which means you're gonna train and you're gonna study so that come next year, you'll become an exorcist in your sleep!"

"B-but I don't want—!"

"This isn't about what you want! It's about what you need! And you need to get your shit together!" Rin snapped. He snorted and folded his arms across his chest. "I've been too easy on you since all of this began, all because I was naïve and thought nothing bad would happen to you. No more of that! It's either this or spending the rest of your days locked up and having God knows what done to you!" An unsettling silence fell as the father and son began to glare at each other. It was only broken when Rin spoke, "We're on a tight schedule, so hurry up. The sooner we leave, the better."

The moment Rin left the room, Kuroba gave Kazuki a look of pity. "Well, looks like your misery's going to continue."

"As if I couldn't hate him anymore than I do already," Kazuki muttered as he got up to leave.

 **X-X-X**

Ordinarily, Kazuki's training sessions were only a few hours spent staring at a candle that he tried to ignite while his father tried to make civil conversation with him. But Rin's new attitude towards training led to a new regimen: jogging laps while being chased by Kuro and always getting pounced before ever finishing a lap, doing pushups while Rin had his foot on his back and asked him exorcist-related questions he didn't know the answers to, being forced to play dodgeball and getting knocked out often… It all seemed like a P.E. class from hell, and as far as Rin was concerned, that was perfect.

It may sound brash to anyone else, but Rin attempted to strong arm his way into the proceedings Mephisto had been attending, all so he could try and reason with the Grigori to lighten up and convince them that Kazuki wasn't exorcist material. He probably would've gotten in major trouble for overstepping his boundaries if it weren't for the fact that the meeting had finished by the time he even found Mephisto. And perhaps it was because he did something so amusingly outrageous that the Demon King had decided to let him in on the results of said meeting:

"Our dear Okumura-kun has had three fates before him from the very beginning," Mephisto began, "#1 is obviously to become an exorcist of the True Cross Order. #2 is to be executed, should he prove to be a hostile, uncontrollable danger to humanity. #3 is to be contained within the Vatican for the rest of his days to ensure he doesn't wind up falling into the possession of some unsavory people should he not be capable of 1 and 2. I'm sure I don't need to tell you which is the best option for your son, Okumura-san. Which is why I was able to get him granted a second chance: he'll be allowed to attend cram school next year and _this time_ , he has to pass. _Or else_."

So that's how it was. Rin was in danger of losing his son because he wanted to feed both of their delusions that he didn't have to be an exorcist. But Kazuki needed to be one so he could live some semblance of a normal life and so Rin wouldn't lose his son because of a bunch of paranoid exorcists. In the future, Kazuki would grow to tolerate it all or he'd find something to keep him going despite the pressure, so having him hate Rin right now would be worth it in the long run…or so he told himself.

Surely the thing that would get his son to hate him most would be the new regimen made to prepare him for his second shot at cram school: jogging laps while being chased by Kuro and always getting pounced before ever finishing a lap, doing pushups while Rin had his foot on his back and asked him exorcist-related questions he didn't know the answers to, being forced to play dodgeball and getting knocked out often… It all seemed like a P.E. class from hell, and as far as Rin was concerned, that was perfect. It served as training _and_ punishment for whatever the stunt he pulled the other day was.

"Can I just fail? I don't care if they put me in demon jail or whatever for the rest of my life! That would be _better_ than _this_!" Kazuki cried out from underneath the enlarged Kuro's paw. The cat sidhe looked particularly friendly as he crouched to nuzzle his face against Kazuki's back and lick his shirt. "St-stop that! I'm not a human being, but I'm also not a cat toy!"

"What sort of sick man rubs their child's shirt in silver vine and sics a giant cat demon on 'em?" Kuroba commented from far away. Unlike the usual training sessions, this one took place in the stadium that the pages in cram school used for their P.E. classes.

"I'm not his father. I'm his trainer," Rin replied.

"Aren't there exorcists with desk jobs or something? Can I be one of those—? Kuro, he didn't put anything on my pants, so stop sniffing 'em!" Kazuki snapped. At this point, Kuro had changed back to his smaller form to better nip at Kazuki's shirt and bury his face in it. " _Gross_! Stop drooling on me!"

Rin sighed and walked over to the boy and cat. He pried Kuro off of Kazuki and held the cat sidhe out in front of him. _"Nnnooo! I wanna play with Kazuki s'more…!"_ Kuro drawled as he pawed at the air.

" _All_ exorcists have to do field work. No exceptions," Rin spoke as Kazuki got on his knees and began dusting himself off. "That's why you have to train hard and get fit so you don't die out there!"

"I'd rather die than go through _this_ hell to go through _another_ hell" Kazuki whined to the sky.

"And cut that out! This is the best option you have, so no whining! Now let's move on to using your flames." Rin put Kuro down and gave him a small piece of cloth. "Here you go. Go nuts." Kuro sniffed the cloth and smiled before he nuzzled into its silver vine-scented goodness. Rin walked over to Kazuki and placed a candle in front of him. "Alright, concentrate. Just picture the wick of the candle lighting up with your flame. Be calm. Don't force it or you might cause it to go up in flames."

Kazuki gave the candle a blank stare. "…This is stupid."

"It _looks_ stupid, but you still have to try."

"This is _all_ stupid." Kazuki stood up and kicked the candle away angrily. He then started to glare at his father. "None of this will make a difference! Why don't you people understand that I'm just not good at this job?!"

"Well, if you actually _tried_ in cram school—!"

"I didn't try because you made it sound like I didn't _have to_ try! And why would I try to succeed at a job I hate?!"

Rin growled under his breath and began to glare at his son as well. "Because the people who love you want you to keep living! Because you're 15 years old and it's not the end of the goddamn world that you think it is!"

"How the hell can I be happy living the life of a _freak_ like you?!"

"And you'd be happy while being kept in some prison for the rest of your life?! If you spent time in one of the Vatican's cells, you'd consider being an exorcist a _blessing_!"

"I'd be happier than I am now! But what would make me happiest is if you and everyone _like_ you just left me the hell alone, because _I hate all of you_! Especially _you_! The reasons why I'm in this mess in the first place all link back to _you_ , you bastard!" The boy was silenced with a slap to the face that had enough strength to make him falter.

"You can hate me as much as you want. This is what's best for you in the long run. You'll thank me for this someday."

Kazuki held a hand to his face and shuddered. " _Thank you_? You think I'll thank you for ruining my life? You…!" He glared at his father as tears welled up in his eyes. "I WISH YOU'D LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU INHUMAN FREAK!"

The second his vision turned blue, Kazuki thought he was angry enough to have done damage to his brain. Blue fire danced in front of him, bewitching him with the movements of its flames. It almost seemed like a living creature trying to communicate. The sight was so soothing that he didn't notice how exhausted he felt until he finally heard the screaming of his father, who was covered in that wild blue fire.

 **X-X-X**

"Let me get this straight…" Yukio began as he stood next to the hospital bed. "Kazuki finally decided to use his flames…and he used them on _you_? That's not good. If it were anyone else, he'd have _killed_ them."

Rin sat on the side of the hospital bed, fully dressed. He looked alright for a man who had been set on fire not too long ago. Whatever had been burned away had regenerated, and while it wasn't the worst thing he'd been through, being burned by his child shortly after he shouted how much he wished he were dead was quite disheartening. "Have you seen Kazuki? Is he doing alright?"

"He's with Sir Pheles—" The mention of Mephisto made Rin bury his face in his hands and groan. "—who's attempting to seal his demon heart. Hopefully Kazuki is cooperating."

"That's not an answer to my question!" Rin ran a hand through his hair as he sighed. "It must've been terrifying, losing control like that. Now he's stuck dealing with Mephisto, _alone_ , while he's vulnerable…"

"You think he didn't harm you on purpose?"

"…And what are you trying to say? That he harmed me on purpose?" Rin clenched the sheets of the bed as he began to glare at his younger brother. "He _didn't_! Kazuki doesn't have control of his flames yet! And you know he'd never hurt someone with them intentionally!"

"I hope so. With the way he's been as of late, it's getting hard to tell what he's willing to do. But whether he did it intentionally or not, to someone who _doesn't_ know him, he seems dangerous!"

"It was an accident! Accidents happen!"

Yukio opened his mouth to retort, but closed it quickly. He pinched the bridged of his nose and bowed his head. When he looked up again, he suddenly became aware of Rin staring down sadly at his lap. "Don't be distraught. I'm sure he regrets what happened. Kazuki will probably come to see you as soon as possible and start apologizing left and right."

As if on cue, the door of the hospital room opened. Rin and Yukio looked at it, thinking it might be Kazuki. Instead, it turned out to be Mephisto. "How is our patient doing?" He asked as he walked into the room, ignoring the disappointed look on Rin's face.

"He's fine," Yukio said as Rin leaned over to look behind the headmaster. "As usual, he recovered quickly. Probably due in part to Kazuki's own inexperience with controlling his flames. Speaking of Kazuki…" The younger brother trailed off as Rin got out of bed and walked over to the door, past Mephisto. Neither he nor Yukio paid much mind to it as the half-demon man looked out into the hallway. He saw no sign of Kazuki, to his disappointment.

"It took some prodding, but I was able to get him to show his heart to me," Mephisto explained. "All in all, it was quite easy considering how he's currently feeling."

Rin pulled his head back in to glare at the demon king. "What prodding? What did you do to him?"

Mephisto was unfazed by his glaring and smiled. "No need to worry. I only used words to compel him to reveal it. It was all so easy. As for this whole nasty incident, it's nothing worth talking about. Training accidents aren't unusual in our field of work, and it wasn't as if you were seriously injured. By the way…" The demon held out his closed hand. "Since you're the one who's responsible for training your son and he's hardly a trustworthy figure at the moment, it may be best for _you_ to hold this rather than him." Mephisto opened his hand to reveal a small ring box, which he held out to Rin. "The vessel of his demon heart. I thought it may be best to not place any weapons in the hands of someone with his state of mind. Should he wish to unleash his true power, all he has to do is slip it on."

Rin stared at the ring box thoughtfully before he took it out of Mephisto's hand. He opened the box to check out its contents: a simple silver ring with a simple-looking blue stone in the center. The gem had an unnatural light to it that flickered every once in a while, but it could probably be played off as a trick of the light. Rin wondered how expensive the thing was, or if it was strong enough to contain a demon's heart—even a quarter-demon's.

"Sir Pheles, I still don't believe that Kazuki is fit to be an exorcist…in _any_ way."

"So would you rather your nephew get locked up for the rest of his days? I'm shocked at you, Okumura-sensei!"

"His demon heart has already been sealed. If we simply keep a close eye on him and ensure he doesn't wind up in situations where the seal may break—"

"The Vatican would decide the best way to do so would be to either keep him locked up or make him into a vegetable. And I know neither of you want that."

Rin completely ignored the conversation in favor of staring at the ring. It was his son's heart, and holding it in his hand felt like the closest thing to intimacy with Kazuki that Rin had felt in months. The more he stared at the ring, the more he thought about what Kazuki said and did, and the more heartache he felt. Verbal abuse from his son he was used to, sadly enough, but he couldn't accept the idea of his own son hating him enough to try and kill him. How could things have gotten so out of hand? Rin closed the ring box and muttered, "I'm going to see Kazuki," before leaving the room, not bothering to respond to Yukio's calls.

 **X-X-X**

When Rin arrived at the old boys' dorm, he could make out Kazuki on the rooftop. Standing on the edge. Staring down in an unsettling way. Before he could even shout at him to stop, an arm hooked around Kazuki's neck and his son was pulled off of the edge by Kuroba, who pulled him out of sight. But the sound of Kazuki wailing and shouting to be freed and be allowed to die was probably loud enough to be heard by anyone on campus in the newer dorms. It all just added to Rin's heartache at the moment.

By the time that Rin entered the dorms, Kuroba had succeeded somehow in dragging Kazuki back into their room. The brunette had Kazuki pinned on his own bed, face buried in a pillow where he screamed like he was dying. Kuro and Ouji, oddly enough, just stood off to the side and stared at them both, as if there was nothing wrong. "There, there, Akumura. Just scream and you'll feel better." Kazuki's shouting turned into crying and he stopped struggling under Kuroba's grip. "I can't afford to get into trouble anymore by letting you do what you want. If it could make things better, I'd let you die, but I can't. So do what most people do: just bottle it up and vent your anger on demons so it's productive."

At that point, Rin had had enough. He marched up to Kazuki's bed and snatched Kuroba up off of his son, holding him a few inches up off the ground by the collar of his shirt. "What the hell is wrong with you?! You don't tell someone to do something like that!"

"Unless you have access to some antidepressants, I don't see any other way of getting him to cooperate."

Rin couldn't stop his eye from twitching before dropping the boy. "Just give us some privacy, ya little creep!" Without another word, Kuroba left the room. "Kazuki. _Kazuki_. I know you're awake and I know you're not deaf, so sit up." He wasn't trying to be stern, but he couldn't help the tone in his voice. Kazuki didn't make an effort to sit up. He just continued crying and saying things that had been muffled by his pillow. "We have to talk about what happened!" When Kazuki still refused to move, Rin attempted to pick him up and place him in a sitting position, but he was surprised when Kazuki started to flail and got a hit on his crotch. Regardless of the pain, he succeeded in making his son sit upright. In response, Kazuki grabbed the pillow and smacked Rin upside the head with it, but it was taken away from it when he went in for another blow. "STOP THAT!" Rin bellowed. Kazuki began to stare across the room. " _Look at me_."

" _Leave me alone_ ," Kazuki responded just as sternly as his father as he stared across the room. He tried to scoot away from Rin, but his father hooked an arm around his body held him in place. "I swear, I'll actually _kill you_ this time if you don't get out of here!" The boy snapped as he finally looked at his father. His eyes were red from crying and his cheeks were stained with dried tears.

"No, you won't! Your flames are no different than mine! If you wanted to sincerely kill me, you'd have done so!"

"No, you're only alive because _I'm_ weak and _you're_ inhumanly durable! I wanted you _dead_ because I wanted you to stop bothering and just leave me alone—!"

"You didn't even keep it up long enough to burn my skin off."

"B-because you're a freak of nature who can heal in a day, and I had a headache, and I'm weak!" He was faltering and starting to look more distressed than angry.

Rin slapped his hand over his son's mouth to silence him. "That's enough lying. I'm sure you hate me for everything that's happened, but I know you're not the type who'd try to seriously kill someone." Sad to say, Kazuki was more likely to try and kill himself these days than somebody else. "You only burned me because you were angry, okay? You stopped when you realized what was happening. If you actually liked it, you'd have kept the flames going. You don't have to beat yourself up over something you didn't mean to do."

"Shut up! This is why I hate you!" Kazuki shouted as he tried to pry himself apart from his father. "I hurt you! I _wanted_ to hurt you! But instead of getting angry at me, you're trying to make me feel better?! Normal people don't do that!"

Rin started to smile as he said, "Well, I'm an inhuman freak, aren't I?" He gave a laugh, trying to make light of the insult, but he still had to force himself to do so, of course. It reminded him of the incident a while ago, and thinking about his son hating him that much made Rin feel awful.

"See?! You're supposed to say something like _'_ I _am_ normal! It's _you_ who's an inhuman freak'! Not act happy about it! Stop acting like a goddamn saint!" It was amazing how quickly Kazuki had flipped sides. He'd gone from blaming his father to tearing into him for being so understanding.

"I will if you do. Stop saying bad things about yourself, I mean. But I'd love it if you _started_ acting like a saint!" Rin exclaimed with a smile that wasn't shared with his son. He patted Kazuki on the head. "And you're not a freak or inhuman. You're just…not in a good situation for someone like you. And I'm sorry that you have to do this because I'm your father."

Once again, Kazuki looked upset, tears starting to well up in his eyes. "Why are you apologizing?!" He _shrieked_ —his voice seriously hit a higher pitch than usual, causing Rin to flinch in surprise. " _I'm_ the awful person here! Stop being so nice to me! I swear, you're the worst—!"

"C-calm down!" Rin's grip on his son tightened as his free hand reached over to ruffle his hair. "But it _is_ kinda the truth. No one would care if you awoke your demon powers if you weren't _my_ kid. I can understand why you'd hate me. You shouldn't be put into situations like this because of me!"

By this point, Kazuki's face had turned red. "You're unbearable! I'm trying to apologize for being awful to you and being uncooperative and being a dick, and you're here trying to make this all about _you_! Let me say I'm sorry and punish me, okay?!" Rin stared at his son in confusion. "Don't look at me like that! Punish me for burning you up, or skipping cram school, or winding up in jail, or drinking, or—!" Kazuki was immediately silenced as Rin grabbed his shoulder and began to squeeze it tightly.

" _What_ …did you say…?!" Rin growled as his expression became dark. "You were in _jail_?! You were _drinking_?!" His grip on his son's shoulder tightened and his eyes narrowed. In an instant, Rin had Kazuki pinned to the bed with one arm while the other had him in a headlock. "Are you out of your mind?! Where the hell did your mother and I go wrong?! Your mother—your sweet mother in heaven! What would _she_ say about you doing this stupidness?! Seriously, are you _trying_ to break my heart and ruin my view of you?!" Rin screamed as he dug his elbow into his son's back and tightened his grip. "Because it's damn well working!"

"Yes! I deserve this! Hurt me more! Break my bones! Give me a black eye! I deserve this punishment!" And just as quickly as he grabbed his son, Rin let him go. Kazuki rolled onto his back to stare up at his father. "What are you doing?!"

"What am _I_ doing?! _You're_ trying to turn this into a case of child abuse!" Rin snapped as he got off of the bed and began straightening his clothes. The father glared at his son as he pointed a finger down at him. "Your punishment is to _not_ be punished! You're gonna have to live with the guilt and let that be motivation never to do anything like that again." His expression then lightened up. "Now, are you hungry? Have you eaten yet? Using your flames for however long on top of the training you did today had to wear you down."

"I'm not hungry." Kazuki's statement was contested by a light growling sound coming from him. He blushed, but his exhausted expression didn't change aside from that. "I don't want food."

"Like hell you're gonna skip out on meals! You're not gonna get stronger that way!" Rin grabbed hold of Kazuki and guided him out of the room, saying, "A healthy diet leads to a healthy body, which will help you become big and strong!"

"St-stop acting so nice, please!"

"If it makes you feel guilty, then no, I'll never stop."


	6. I'm glad I have you

_Disclaimer: Thank goodness Blu Rose doesn't own the Blue Exorcist series!_

 _Summary: Today was Kazuki's birthday party. It was a day that Rin had worried may not have come and a day Kazuki had once prayed he wouldn't see. All Rin wants is for his son to be happy, while all Kazuki wants is..._

 **X-X-X**

 **Part 6: I'm glad I have you**

It had been a wonderful idea: a _beach party_. The perfect way to surprise Kazuki for his birthday. What teenager—hell, what _person_ didn't want to spend a hot summer day at the beach cooling off? Rin thought it was wonderfully genius. What a way to cheer him up about all the crap that had happened over the year! To make him forget about what had to be done and what had to be left behind, even if only for a little while. Yes sir, just a little family gathering involving Rin, Kazuki, Yukio, Kuro and Ouji.

"Ahhh…! Are we there yet? I feel like I'm gonna die back here!" And the annoying little interloper who managed to worm his way into this delightful family affair.

Rin glared at Kuroba from the rearview mirror. Or at least, he glared at the pile of items that he forced onto the boy as a minor revenge for inserting himself into Kazuki's birthday. He used the excuse of being Kazuki's "caretaker" and threats of telling Pheles that he wasn't allowed to go to force himself into the group. The fact that Kazuki didn't seem the least bit upset over his roommate's intrusion just added to Rin's annoyance with the kid.

"I can already see water…so where's the beach?" Kuroba continued to moan as he rested his forehead on the window.

"Shut up and be patient," was all Rin muttered to the whining brunette. He adjusted the rearview mirror to get a look at Kazuki. He was staring out of the window with an unreadable expression, mindlessly petting Ouji, who sat on his lap, and Kuro, who was on his shoulder. "You doing okay, Kazuki?" His son made a grunt that didn't really say if he was okay or not. "We're almost there, so I hope you're ready!" No reply. He would've engaged in conversation with Yukio, but his younger brother had decided at some point that a nap would be the perfect way to waste time until they made it to the beach. Rin sighed and his eyes went back to the road again, reminding himself that it would all be worth it in the end so long as Kazuki was even the tiniest bit happier than he had been in an almost a year.

 **X-X-X**

Their arrival at the beach started out amongst most of the people who were there already, but the Okumura family and their tagalong nuisance wound up retreating to a part of the beach where the only population had been wild animals like gulls and crabs. If Yukio didn't have the typical gall to come out and say "A boy who's disgusted about his own body won't want to go swimming amongst strangers who seem _'normal'_ to him," Rin would have probably tried to push Kazuki to swim with total ignorance of the sensitive fact that he had a tail now. Luckily, Kazuki seemed to relax a little bit once they were far enough from the crowd and only the sounds of screaming and loud music in the distance denoted that any other human life was in the area.

"Alright, you!" Rin snapped at Kuroba, who was struggling with carrying a cooler topped with containers and various beach stuffs. "We're setting up here, so you can ease up!" Kuroba dropped the cooler, somehow managing not to completely wreck anything before he fell to his knees, complaining quietly to himself. Rin planted the giant beach umbrella into the sand and opened it up, providing plenty of shade. A foldable table and some chairs were set up—only three, because that was all Rin bought before Kuroba wormed into the whole affair—and containers of varying sizes holding food, including Kazuki's birthday cake, had been unpacked. "Well, this looks nice. Should we eat first or cool off in the water for a little bit?"

"If we eat, we'll have to wait a bit to start swimming," Yukio pointed out.

"That's just a myth, isn't it?" Kuroba asked, but no one but Kazuki paid attention to him. By this point, Ouji and Kuro were playing in the sand.

"Kazuki!" Rin raised his voice a bit. "You're the birthday boy. How do _you_ wanna do this?"

Kazuki seemed a bit surprised to be asked his opinion. Suddenly, all eyes were on him—even Ouji and Kuro. "Um… I-it's the afternoon already, right? So…let's just have lunch first."

Rin smiled and clapped his hands together. "Okay then! You heard the birthday boy! Let's eat! Oh, but first, we'll light the candles for Kazuki to blow out…after I put 'em in place, anyway." Within a few minutes, everyone had a plate of food in front of them. Kuroba was forced to eat on the ground along with the familiars while the Okumura men sat at the table. As Rin lit the candles on the birthday cake, Kuroba, Kuro and Ouji began to eat from their plates, completely unnoticed by the family. "Alright. Time to make a wish, son," Rin said as he clapped a hand onto Kazuki's shoulder.

Kazuki stared at the cake—its vanilla frosting which had been decorated with fancy-looking flowers of icing and a cartoonish face of Kazuki's with the phrase _'Happy Birthday, Kazuki!'_ written on it. It had been made from scratch, which Rin tended to do. Hell knows what sort of trouble he went through to find the time to make it, if he hadn't done something as stupid and crazy as preparing it the night before along with the rest of the food. Really, Kazuki found himself thinking about how unnecessary it was to go through all of this trouble for a party for _him_.

Rin looked a bit worried at the way Kazuki was just staring at the flames on top of the candles. "Kazuki." He tapped the teen on his shoulder to get his attention. "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah." Kazuki took a deep breath and blew out the candles. His father and uncle gave him some light applause, which Kuroba was late to give with a full mouth.

"Alright! As soon as we're done eating lunch, we can cut the cake!" Rin announced, patting Kazuki on the back. "And you've got dibs on the very first slice."

"Mm? But I'm finished with my food right now!" Kuroba announced as he held up his empty plate.

Rin glared down at the brunette. "You ate before Kazuki even blew out his candles. You'll be lucky if you get _any_ cake!"

 **X-X-X**

Later, Rin, Yukio and Kuroba were swimming in the sea. Kazuki sat on the shore, playing in the sand with Ouji and Kuro. Most of Rin's time in the water was spent staring at his lonely-looking son. He'd call out every once in a while, trying to entice the boy into joining the rest of them, but Kazuki would say he was comfortable where he was and go back to looking _uncomfortable_.

Rin waded over to Yukio and forced him to stop floating on his back. Despite the way he flailed in the water and cursed Rin, Kuroba and Kazuki paid him no mind. "Stop fussing about! Your plan isn't working! I _knew_ I shouldn't have listened to you!" Rin hissed as he kept Yukio in a headlock while his brother kept clawing at his face.

" _My_ plan?! All I said was that Kazuki wouldn't like to go swimming in public!" Yukio growled. "It was _my_ suggestion to just give him a normal party, maybe at _your_ house for the sake of familiarity! When you turned down that idea and came up with the idea of a beach party, _all_ I did was suggest that he might not like being out in public, especially in a place where most people feel comfortable showing off their bodies!"

"Well, you should've given me more input!"

"You didn't act like you _wanted_ input!"

"Bah, to hell with you!" Rin released Yukio and shoved his head underwater before wading into the shallow water right in Kazuki's field of view. "Kazuki! Come and swim with us already! You need to cool off eventually!"

"I'm fine." By now, Kazuki had managed to build a large mound of sand decorated with shells and dead coral. Kuro and Ouji had made smaller, messier mounds on either side of it and now they were off poking and sniffing at things they found on the beach shore. Rin huffed and walked onto the shore. He approached Kazuki and wordlessly threw him over his shoulder. "HEY! Put me down! Let me go! I told you I don't wanna go in the water!" Rin walked into the water, regardless of Kazuki's complaints and flailing. With ease, his father tossed him into the seawater, where he splashed madly until finally settling down.

"There we go! Doesn't that feel nice?" Rin asked with a smile, completely ignoring the way Kazuki was glaring at him. "I know you're angry, but I just want you to lighten up. You're too young to be acting like your uncle!" Ignoring the way his younger brother glared at him, Rin continued, "You should be _happy_ on your birthday."

"I _am_ happy!" Kazuki snapped and tried to get out of the water, only for his father to grab him from behind in a bear hug.

"No, you're not! So just tell me what's bugging you and making you so miserable!" Rin said.

After flailing around for a few minutes, Kazuki stopped and started glaring at the awful-looking sand castle on the shore as a substitute for his father. " _Fine_! I feel uncomfortable being around other people and I feel weird about being given a party after I burnt you to a crisp!"

Rin frowned. "You're still on about that?"

"It hasn't even been a week since it happened! It literally happened earlier this week and you're just—!" Before Kazuki's ravings could get louder, Rin squatted and ducked his head underwater for a few seconds. When he stood upright, Kazuki's head came back above the surface and he was coughing out water. "…I really hate you," he muttered in a flat tone. "Fine, I'll stay in the water…"

"That doesn't sound like you mean it~!" Rin sang cheerfully as he let go of Kazuki. "But I'll still let you go. Because it's _your_ birthday and _you_ need to enjoy it." His eyes suddenly brightened as he realized something. "Wait a sec! I'll go get the beach ball!" He said as he move back towards the shore.

"…He really is trying to make you happy today," Yukio spoke when Rin was far enough away.

"I know. He always tries to make me happy," Kazuki spoke glumly as he watched his father blow up the inflatable beach ball while Kuro and Ouji watched in amusement. "I just don't think I'm worth the bother, considering what I've done so far this year…"

"If you want to make up for _that_ , you know what you have to do."

"I know. I'm trying. But I can't change my feelings."

"I wouldn't expect you to. Just do your best and…tell us if those feelings mess with your head. Really, that's all _I_ want of you—and I'm sure your father feels the same." Yukio waded over to Kazuki and patted him on the head. "Even if you say that you hate us, we'll understand."

"…I hate what we are," Kazuki spoke at a low enough volume so that only his uncle could hear him.

"I know. I've been there."

Before Kazuki could ask anymore, Rin waded back over to the group, holding the inflated ball over his head. "Alright! Let's have a match!"

 **X-X-X**

By the end of the day, it was easy to say that the beach party wasn't exactly a rousing success. Despite Yukio's attempt to assure Rin that nothing was wrong with the party and Kazuki didn't exactly hate it, if his son hadn't cracked a sincere smile all throughout it, then it had been a fruitless attempt. After dropping off Yukio at his apartment, rather than dropping the boys back onto the campus, Rin found himself driving Kazuki over to his house. Kuroba, who had fallen asleep on the car ride back, woke up when the car stopped and stared at the Okumura family home in confusion. "Where are we…and _why_ are we here?"

"Why are we at home?" Kazuki asked from the backseat, looking at his father through the rearview mirror.

"This is the second part of your birthday present from me," Rin said with a smile. "A nice home-cooked dinner, the chance to watch TV together on the couch…like we used to do when you lived at home. Maybe even spend the night…if you want." Rin's smile faded as he looked as his son through the rearview mirror. "But if you don't want to, I'll just drop you back off at the academy—"

"No, I… I wouldn't mind spending the night back at home…with you." Rin's smile returned and when he noticed that Kazuki was smiling a bit as well, it got brighter. "Okay then." Both Rin and Kazuki got out of the car and approached the front door of the house, followed by Kuroba, Ouji and Kuro. "I'll get started on dinner. You can go upstairs and rest up or watch TV. Rin whirled around to point a finger at Kuroba. " _You_ don't mess with anything and _behave_." He turned back around to unlock and open the door.

"You _really_ don't like me, do you?" Kuroba asked. He then turned his attention to Kazuki as they entered the house. "So this is where you used to live, huh?" He looked around the living room and his eyes fell on a shelf with some photos. "Looks cozy."

"Uh, thanks?" Kazuki answered after a moment of hesitation. He wasn't sure if his roommate was teasing him or being sincere with his compliment. "Um…if you want, you can just stay in my room and sleep."

"You got a bed?"

Kazuki looked at Rin. "Do I still have a bed?"

"Of course your bed's still in there! I won't throw out a perfectly good bed just because no one's there to sleep in it!" The half-demon snapped. In truth, a part of him had always hoped for this scenario—Kazuki coming home to visit and spending the night there—and kept his son's room almost unchanged from the moment he moved out.

"Then I'm stealing it. Wake me up when your so-called _'birthday gift'_ is finished." Kuroba headed up the stairs, saying, "No need to direct me. I can find it myself."

"HEY! Nobody gave you permission to—! Just don't mess with anything while you're up there!" Rin shouted as Kuroba disappeared upstairs.

" _Riiin! Kazuki's bed is mine now! Where am I going to sleep?"_ Kuro asked as he pawed at Rin's leg.

Rin looked down at the cat sidhe, saying, "You can sleep in my bed if you're tired, okay?" He started to make his way into the kitchen as Kuro made his way upstairs, but looked back at Kazuki, who was sitting on the couch with Ouji already. "I'm gonna get started on dinner. Anything in particular that you want?"

"Anything you make is fine with me."

"Alright. Better not hear any complaints if what I make isn't to your liking."

As Rin disappeared into the kitchen, Kazuki settled into the couch. He took a deep breath and sighed as he turned on the television ad began flipping through channels. Aside from the absence of his mother and knowledge of Kuroba sleeping upstairs, things felt the same as they used to be before all this exorcist-related madness began. It felt like it could've passed as one of the many, uneventful days of the past. So nice and normal…just the way Kazuki would've preferred things back then.

Eventually, father and son had dinner together. It was quiet and they didn't exactly talk, but Kazuki looked a bit happier than he had been at the beach. That alone made Rin content to leave the silence as is. A short while after dinner, when the dishes had been washed and put away, the pair sat down to watch television together.

"What's this show?" Kazuki spoke up after Rin stopped on a channel.

"Mm?" Rin looked at him for a moment before looking back at the television. "Oh, it's a new drama that premiered."

"Oh. I see." There wasn't exactly a proper TV up at the old boys' dorm on campus for him to watch, so Kazuki hadn't seen anything televised since the winter season ended. A few seconds into the show's recap of what happened on the last episode, Kazuki found it in himself to speak again, "Thank you for the party. I didn't want it…or think I deserved it…but thank you for caring enough to go through the trouble."

"It wasn't any trouble at all," Rin said with a smile as he looked at his son, who was staring at the show's intro on TV. "I'm just sad that it wasn't enough to make you happy… Now that I think about it, we've never done that before: having a party in a place as public as a beach. In comparison, the parties we had for you before were smaller and quieter. It must've been unsettling for you, huh?"

"I just…didn't like being around a bunch of strangers. I like spending my birthdays like _this_ more."

"You've been homesick, haven't you?"

"I guess I have. Even after Mom died, when everything settled down…life felt almost normal again while I was living at home." Kazuki continued to stare at the television screen, but he wasn't really seeing the show happening. His mind went back to the last fall and winter he spent at home. And when those days were coming to an end, Kazuki couldn't help but get angry about how unfair it felt—about being forced to live as the True Cross wanted him to when it seemed that he could've lived a normal life with no demon-related problems despite those stupid flames.

Rin continued staring at Kazuki intently. "You could always come home to visit. Nothing's stopping you from leaving the campus."

"Cram school would."

The smile faded from Rin's face. "…Oh. Well, you can always come visit for the holidays or whenever you find the time. This is still your home. It always will be."

Kazuki took a deep breath and looked at his father with a small smile on his face. "Sometimes…I'm glad you're my dad."

Rin snaked an arm around Kazuki's shoulders and pulled him into a hug. "And I'm always glad that you're still here. But you probably won't be so happy with me tomorrow when we continue your training." He chuckled as he patted his son on the chest. "Ah, I just remembered. I think I had some ice cream there that I decided not to bring along. You want some?"

"What flavor?"

"Coconut." Kazuki sniffed and rubbed his eyes in response. Rin let go of him and stared in surprise. "Huh? Why are you crying? And over ice cream, of all things?"

"I'm _not_ crying! I'm just…" Kazuki sniffed again and his smile became a bit bigger. "Thanks…Dad."

 **X-X-X**

… **Well, at least it's finished now. I hope everyone who stuck with reading this story to the not-so bitter end enjoyed the ride and I'm thankful to those of you who did so, regardless of whether or not you reviewed. Because just knowing people liked the story enough to fave it and follow it made me happy to realize I wasn't just writing this for my twisted little self.**

 **Originally, the story was gonna end with Kazuki going off the deep end and killing people after somehow passing the exam to get promoted to exwire, leading to him being put down. Then the ending was going to have Kazuki imprisoned for the rest of his days and either going mad or just losing the will to live. I started this story with the goal of ending with an unhappy ending (a mourning Rin, a dead Kazuki, a Mephisto who insinuates that Kazuki dies in every timeline he exists in that he knows of), but I wound up being a sappy person and going with a happy ending. Curses! I'm not sure if there's gonna be a sequel to this particular storyline, but I do have other stories in mind involving a non-demon Kazuki and Father's Day and arranging dates for Yukio via the internet…but only time will tell if these will ever appear. Well, time and my general procrastination.**


End file.
